A Handful Of Darkness

Alone.

Outside of my dark mind,
Is pure silence.
I'm all alone.
But inside my mind is a war zone.

I'm not sure if I'd rather be alone,
Or with company anymore.
They'll all leave me at some point.
Why would it matter?

Why would I want to be happy,
When my mind echoes sadness.
How could I be happy,
When I cant even figure out,
If I want company,
Or to be alone with my voices.

Maybe I just don't want to be abandoned,
Or maybe that's what I'm trying to do.
Finish the job for you,
Push you away so it wouldn't matter.
Nothing would matter.
Nothing does matter.

I cant escape death or my thoughts.
But I can escape you.
Would that be me leaving you?,
Or you not caring for me?

Why would I think such a thought?
Maybe I was taught,
Or raised up to be,
As sad as this.
Which I don't usually express to people,
This is the first time I had someone to care for.

I just dont want to lose this feeling,
But I know I'm going to.
So maybe,
I could speed up the process,
So I don't get disappointed,
When they're gone.