I studied myself in the mirror, my stomach already doing backflips from nerves. I can't believe that I'm actually here- to this point. I'd done so well staying the hell away from Lindsey Buckingham and now I'm touching up my eyeliner.
I'd tried to call. I'd tried every possible number to get ahold of him. I'd even broken down and called his mother asking for his updated address to no avail. She told me he'd effectively fallen off the face of the earth. He called home very infrequently. I was out of options and I needed to talk to him. We needed to just sit down like adults and do this. I took a deep breath and grabbed my concert ticket, heading to the arena. The venue was rather crowded but I still held back, standing in the darkest corner I could find. I was sure that he wouldn't pick me out in a crowd but I didn't want to risk it. I wanted him to get through the set.
He was amazing. Absolutely on fire. The amount of pride I felt watching him, the talent seemingly pouring out of him onto the stage. And the crowd loved him. It was clear that he was the one selling tickets. He really came out of his shell, working the audience, which was in a complete uproar. I studied the faces around me, though and realized I was surrounded by gorgeous women. Young women who were here to see my Lindsey. And they were all throwing themselves at him. I realize that I'm not actually allowed to be bothered by that, but I am. I am so very bothered by it. I know I left him. I know I made that decision and I've stuck with it for the last months, but it doesn't mean I'm ready to let him go. I still love him as much as I ever did. Its just one of those things, I suppose.
Well, maybe. I'll see how the rest of the night goes. I'm getting ahead of myself.
He approached the microphone, his shirt open several buttons down, his curls wild and his breathing labored from the intense performance he had just put on. He was sweating and smiling. It reminded me exactly of the last time that we... I shook my head, trying to pull myself from those thoughts, almost giggling.
"This song," he cleared his throat, leaning in to the mic and addressing his crowd so smoothly, "is a little something new.
He began to play and I smiled, thrilled that he was writing this amazing material.
She broke down and let me in
Made me see where I've been
It was catchy. I liked it, I thought, nodding my head to the beat as he played flawlessly.
Been down one time
Been down two times
I'm never going back again
My smile quickly faded. Surely he didn't mean... me? Did he? Never again?
You don't know what it means to win
Come down and see me again
I closely studied the lines on his face, his eyes shut tightly closed as he sang. Had I inflicted that level of hurt on him? I honestly hadn't been sure if my absence had even truly phased him.
Been down one time
Been down two times
I'm never going back again
I didn't even know how to respond to that. It was certainly the last thing that I expected to hear.
I heard the band take their bows and the lights went down to thunderous applause. The crowd cleared out but I hung around until I could determine where to go next. This was my only viable shot. I saw some commotion to the right of the stage and I wandered over there, running my fingers through my hair as my curls fell over my shoulders down my black dress.
Security stopped me quickly as I could tell there was a massive party going on backstage. They asked for my credentials, which I obviously could not produce.
"I'm here to see Lindsey Buckingham," I explained.
"I'm sure you are," the security guard rolls his eyes at me.
"My name is Stevie Nicks," I explained, trying not to get worked up. "Just tell him I'm here. He will let me in. He will want to see me." I'd never dreamed this would be an issue.
The guy sighed, but could obviously tell I wasn't going anywhere. He pulled out his 2 way radio and shifted his weight to his other foot, clearly annoyed. "Yeah, Darrel," he said into the microphone. "It's Burt at the front gate. Is Mr. Buckingham expecting any guests tonight?"
There was a brief pause while he raised an eyebrow at me before the static came back across the speaker with a crisp, "No. I don't know of anyone."
"Sorry, lady," he told me, "Looks like it's time to head home."
Just then Lindsey hopped down the stairs in a group of laughing people. He clearly had a little entourage following him around. I could barely see to where he was, twenty or thirty feet away. He was himself again. I could tell he was freshly showered, his curls still wet, sporting only a pair of jeans as he toted a shirt along with him, casually pulling it over his head in the midst of conversation with who I recognized to be John.
I knew this may be my only shot.
"Lindsey!" I screamed desperately, though I could tell it was barely audible over the music.
"Ma'm, I'm going to have to ask you to.."
"LINDS!" I screamed again, my eyes never leaving him. He stopped, as though he may have faintly heard me, and I could see him slightly looking around.
Burt was immediately on my case. "Okay, little lady, time to go."
I could see him shake off the feeling that he'd heard my voice. I knew he'd heard me, though. I knew I was the only one who could elicit that type of innate reaction in him.
The tears were now flowing. I knew he was slipping away.
I saw John hand him a beer as they progressed to the room on the opposite side of the hall and I saw his arms go around the brunette in the green dress standing next to him, his hands traveling lower and lower as they walked out of sight, the double doors to the hallway closing and Burt finally walking away.
I cried openly and alone, leaning my head against the cold steel of the locked doors between Lindsey and I.
"Linds," I sobbed, this time at a volume barely above a whisper. "Linds, I have to talk to you." I sniffed again, wiping my tears. "I need to tell you that we're going to have a baby."
