I fluffed my hair a little in the mirror, adjusting my top and licking my lips a bit. He would be here any minute. I was beyond nervous. Tonight was the night I'd been worried about for years. I had to tell Lindsey that he's a father. At first, when I had just found out I was pregnant, I was looking forward to it. I knew that he and I had our share of problems but I would daydream of better things to come. About him taking care of us, and raising our baby together, the two of them bonding as our son grows.
The cabin was all picked up, the toys were put away and I was satisfied with my appearance. He knocked quickly on the door and I took a deep breath.
"Hey there," I greeted him, suddenly very conscious of his proximity to him.
"Hi," he was equally as nervous. "You look great."
I flashed him a smile, telling myself to calm down. If there was anyone I could talk to, it was always Lindsey.
"Do you want a beer," I asked him, trying to make him comfortable. "I thought we could have a drink here and catch up, and then maybe wander up to restaurant at the yacht club later if we feel like it?"
"Oh, um," he glanced over to the parking lot. "I actually have a car waiting, and dinner reservations in Beverly Hills. But I can cancel if you'd rather do something else..."
"That's sweet of you, Lindsey, but I don't need anything fancy. I'd rather just take it easy tonight, stay out of the spotlight. I'll grab you a beer," I told him, flipping the strings of hanging lights on.
I returned to the helm and Lindsey was sitting contently at the bow, taking in his surroundings. I sat next to him, handing him his drink and he gave me a soft smile, pushing my loose curls over my shoulder.
"Cheers," he told me, clinking my wine glass with his beer bottle. "I've really missed you," he told me, "Thanks for agreeing to see me tonight."
"Well," I shrugged "We needed to talk."
"Ah." He didn't say much to that, quickly finishing his beer. "Well, I hate to ruin the moment but do you want to walk up to that restaurant to get a bite first?"
My only chance was giving up the fight. And anything to delay the inevitable, I thought. Plus, I had barely had more than a few sips of wine- a little liquid courage to drop this bomb didn't sound like a bad idea. I wasn't exactly looking forward to this conversation, but I had to get it off my chest. How could I ever refuse? I feel like I win when I lose. I couldn't escape if I wanted to.
I stood, quickly grabbing a sweater to combat the chill of the night an wandering up to the Yacht Club. He walked closely to me, opening the gate and ushering me in, his hand gently on the small of his back. I warmed to him immediately, seeing a glimpse of the old Lindsey, the Lindsey that packed up and moved to LA with me so many years ago.
As soon as we rounded the corner to the outdoor bar I was met with smiles and waves from my new friends.
"Aren't you popular," Lindsey joked.
I chuckled a little bit. "Well I do live here," I laughed. "And I sing on Saturday nights."
I was immediately handed a glass of wine, the bartender knowing what I drank. "Thanks, Curt," I told him, giving him a wink.
"Double bourbon on the rocks," Lindsey ordered, still watching me.
"Shall we order some take out and head back," I offered.
"Let's just hang out here for a while," he suggested.
As soon as I began to protest we were interrupted as Andy and a few of the mechanics joined us. "Heya, Stevie, hows it going?"
Lindsey introduced himself and bought a round, and I knew that we wouldn't be getting back to privacy any time soon. It wasn't like him to be so social, but I knew he was trying to get back into my good graces.
"Hey there, Sunshine, I didn't think I'd see you here tonight."
"Jim! Am I glad to see you!" He gave me a kiss on the cheek, immediately introducing himself to Lindsey.
"So," Jim began, testing the waters. He knew the conversation that I needed to have with Lindsey tonight. "How's your night going?"
"Great," Lindsey smiled at me, knowing better than to get handsy. "It's going great." He motioned at the bartender, signaling to bring another round.
I raised an eyebrow at him, noticing how quickly he was going through drinks. He chatted with Jim for a few moments as I said some hellos to friends from the marina. I excused myself to the ladies room and when I returned I saw Lindsey getting another drink and Curt eyeballing me that he'd had enough. I sighed. This was not how I wanted the evening to go.
"Lindsey," I whispered, "Can we please go?" I didn't want this to get out of hand.
He gave me a half smile and quickly finished what was left in his glass, sliding a $50 to Curt and leading me out. As soon as we were around the corner he wrapped his arms around my waist.
"Lindsey, no," I shrugged him off. "That's not what I meant." I continued walking to his still waiting hired car. "I told you we're just friends."
"Stevie, we've never been just friends. I still feel the chemistry, I know you do too. Didn't you always say it was our fate to be together?"
"You're loaded." I avoided the question. " And while I admit that I have met my destiny in quite a similar way, I very much needed to have a real conversation with you tonight. So go home and sober up and call me in the morning." I was starting to become agitated.
"I could just stay at your place tonight, then I'd already be here in the morning," even drunk, he winked at me.
"Lindsey," I told him in a warning tone, trying not to crack a smile at the drunken cheesy pick up lines.
"You can come to my place, Stevie Nicks," his speech was slurred, and he was using my first and last name, which did elicit a laugh from me.
"Go home," I opened the the back door to the car.
He leaned in and gave me a hug, picking my up off the ground just a bit, and planting a kiss on my cheek. I ran my fingers through his now short curls before he put me down. He poured himself into the backseat and I peeked my head in.
"Call me," I requested, closing the door and watching the town car take him away.
Tonight didn't go as I had planned in any sense. He was that out of control version of himself that I'd left four years ago, even though I'd hoped that had gone away with time. But while in my heart I knew My Lindsey was in there I also had to face the reality that he was buried somewhere deep. The history book on the shelf was always repeating itself.
I knew I had to tell him as soon as possible- I wanted to tell him as soon as possible. But he had to keep it together so we could have a rational conversation. I walked across the parking lot, knocking on the to MaryAnn's on premise house and collecting my sleepy little boy. Tomorrow was another day and a second chance. I had to face my Waterloo.
