*Stevie's POV*
What have I gotten myself into? I dropped a bag of chamomile into the hot water, and wrapped my palms around the warm mug, heading to bed. This day was unexpected to say the least and I definitely have a lot to process.
I was so shocked to see Lindsey. I couldn't even believe my eyes. And then I couldn't believe my ears. After all this time, all that happened between us, that was what he had to say to me? 'Hey baby?' I suppose I may have been a tad harsh on him though. But I can't fight the tears that ain't comin, it was the moment of truth in his lies. When everything felt like the movies, I had to bleed just to know I was alive.
As soon as I'd stormed away back to the boat I was met by a few wide eyed stares from friends who had witnessed our exchange, Jim in particular. "You just pushed Lindsey Buckingham, the Lindsey Buckingham, into the Ocean," he had stayed matter of factly. "Do you want to tell me what that's about?"
I'd responded that I didn't want to talk about it and he let it go- for about thirty eight seconds.
I'd never disclosed the identity of my child's father, nor my relationship with Lindsey prior to his fame. But it didn't take long for everyone else to connect the dots. My little guy was 3.5 years old and I'd never known a love like this before. He's my entire world and I'll fight with everything that I am to protect him. I can't watch him be hurt by any of this. Lane is the spitting image of his daddy, but with my eyes. Those are all me. He has a curly little mop of brown hair on his head and I see Lindsey in his features every time I look at him. I had to move forward for him. To give my son the opportunity to know his father. And to give Lindsey the opportunity to be a Daddy. It was increasingly more complicated, however, as Lindsey's fame skyrocketed. We had always had a complex relationship, and it wouldn't be easy to explain to everyone. There was no doubt in my mind that the press would have a field day if this got out. And for that reason, I don't want the world to see me, cause I don't think that they'd understand. In this town everything's made to be broken. But I just want him to know who I am.
"They're identical, you know," Jim remarked a few hours later over a beer, pulling me from the derailed train inside of my head.
I didn't respond, not sure what to think, let alone say, so he continued.
"And it's pretty obvious they you named him Lane Bodhi for a reason. LB? Really, Stevie? Did you think nobody would ever piece that together?"
"Well," I chuckled, "it has all worked out this far."
Jim laughed heartily in response. "I've heard you call him Baby Buck, before, Stevie. You've gotta tell him. And soon. It's not fair to any of you. I know its been a hard few years on you, and you deserve some help. And that little boy needs to get to know his dad- and Lindsey deserves a chance to be a Dad. I don't need to get into it with you about what happened between you guys, because that's none of my business, but you know I'm right."
Jim was one of the first friends I'd made at the marina and he had always given me sound advice without prying into the details that I'd been purposefully withholding.
I'd nodded. "I do, I know you're right."
But I felt somewhat like I'd already messed everything up. I'd effectively chased him away, but I'd resigned myself to the fact that tomorrow morning I'd track down John McVie, figure out how to get ahold of Lindsey and tell him we needed to sit down and figure all of this out.
Before I'd had the chance, though, he was at my door. And although it was completely against my better judgement I'd agreed to see him again. I wanted so badly to be this strong version of myself, all business. But damn he still makes me weak in the knees. He can really be a total jackass sometimes but somehow, after all these years, in my head and my heart he's still mine. I've had to suppress so many emotions for so long, but now is the time to deal with them. And I think he probably feels the same way. Maybe we just need a little push. I'd give up forever to touch him, cause I know that he feels me somehow. He's the closest to heaven that I'll ever be. I've spent so much time and energy blocking him out because it hurts too much to miss him. But its time. Time to heal.
I was pulled from my thoughts by my son's cries for me. He's had a bad dream and was borderline inconsolable for several minutes, eventually exhausting himself and falling asleep in my arms. I held him for a while longer, watching him sleep peacefully against me. I brushed a few stray curls from his forehead and gave him a soft kiss on his chubby little cheek. "Goodnight, Baby Buck," I whispered, laying him down and tucking his blankets in around him.
I love that little guy more than anything in the world, and I'll always do what's best for him. But I know that things are about to change drastically for us.
