Life Under the Hijab | ✔

{3} Baba Please

Zaynub Khalid

My eyes stung. I bet they were red and puffy now. My face was probably stained with tears. Baba had a stroke, which made him paralyzed. The doctors said they needed to do surgery on him right away because blood wasn't going into his brain properly. They told us to wait in the waiting room, and with each passing moment, I felt like I was dying on the inside.

My mother was taking this really hard. I could hear her heavy breaths. Amir was trying to be strong, but his eyes are glistening in tears, which dared to fall down. Everyone was here, silently shedding tears and making duaa (small prayer) for my Baba.

Ya Allah, I can't lose Baba. I loved him. He was the one who always brought me back to my faith, the one who always told me that Allah would never leave me. He was the one who inspired me to become a better Muslim with each day that passed by, the one who worked hard to help his family. The man who had to suffer so much for our family. 

The thought of him leaving broke my heart. It felt as if I were being repeatedly stabbed in the heart. The heavy feeling just wouldn't leave. I wanted him to be okay, not ill especially like this. Ya Allah, please help him.

As I was deep in my thoughts, I didn't notice that Zakir was standing in front of me. I couldn't see very well because my vision was blurry from my tears. I looked up at him to see him almost hurt looking at me.

"Zaynub, please don't cry," Zakir sighed.

"Not cry? My Baba is in a life or death situation and you expect me not to cry?!" I said angrily.

"I didn't mean it like that. It just hurts to see you this way, and you need to be strong for your mother. She needs you right now," he spoke gently.

"I-It hurts to k-know that he might n-not survive. Anything c-could happen. I just f-feel so helpless. Y-You know?" I sobbed into my hands.

Zakir sighed, and ran a hand through his already messy hair.

"I know this is hard for you. Zaynub, your father would want you to make as much duaa as you can for him. I just hate to see you cry. It makes me feel helpless that I can't help you. You're not helpless. You're a wonderful daughter and sister. Don't you ever doubt that," he said that with so much sincerity that I actually believed him.

To say I was surprised was an understatement. Zakir has never said anything this sweet to me. This was like a new him. He felt hopeless because he couldn't help me. Was he lying when he says that? 

"Zaynub, right now your mother needs you. You need to be strong for her," he sighed.

I nodded my head in understanding. With that, he walked away. Zakir was right, I needed to be strong for Amu. I walk over to her seat. She looked up at me, sniffling. It broke my heart to see her like that. Her sadness was reflecting in her eyes. I sat down next to her and hugged her. She started crying on my shoulder.

Oh Allah, please ease this pain. It was breaking my heart. Please let Baba be alright, please. I'm begging You. I didn't realize that tears were streaming down my face until I felt wetness on my hand. My chest felt heavy and my breathing was coming out in gasps. I barely ever cried like this. Soon I was shaking from the waterfalls pouring down my cheeks. 

* * * *

It had been eight hours and everyone cried themselves out to the point where tears wouldn'tfall anymore. Everyone cried themselves to sleep except Zakir and I. Amu looked so pained, even in her sleep. My tears dried out but I still kept making duaa, and the heavy feeling in my chest never left.

I noticed that Zakir was looking at me attentively. It was as if he were soaking in my features, but he quickly lowered his gaze. His face seemed to flash an emotion of hurt. Why did he look hurt? Was he serious when he said he hates me being sad because it broke his heart?