Life Under the Hijab | ✔

{15} Don't Hide the Truth

Zaynub Khalid

It was two in the morning and Zakir was still gone. It had been hours, yet he still refused to tell me what was going on with her condition now. I tried calling him to know about my own mother-in-law, but he kept changing the topic. 

Zakir had bottled his feelings from me and wouldn't open up. I seriously didn't understand men. They were such complicated creatures. One minute he was opening up to me and then the next he acted cold and far. I screamed into my pillow in frustration. 

Currently, I was saying prayers to Allah. Please let my mother-in-law be okay. It's like when something good happens, something bad also happens to equal the equation. Ya Allah, please grant me patience and please let her be okay, I prayed.

I couldn't believe this. It was like everyone I cared about was getting hurt. Honestly, couldn't I just get a break? All this drama was frustrating for me! 

Calm down. Take deep breaths, Zaynub. Don't let anger control you. Breathe, my inner voice consulted.

I took deep breaths to calm myself down and mumbled a small duaa (small prayer) for patience and ease. Everything was going to be okay In Shaa Allah (If God wills it). Allah will help me, just relax, I told myself.

I went to bed and just stared at the wall. I was both anxious and worried about Zakir and my mother-in-law. I wish he would just tell me. He didn't have to go through this himself. My thoughts kept me up, not letting me rest my mind even for a second. I was worried.

Where is he? 

As my mind whirled in questions, Zakir came into the room.

"Assamualaikum," I said as I jolted up.

"Waalaikumussalam," he muttered under his breath.

"Zakir, what's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Don't lie to me."

"Just leave it alone."

"Zakir, please. I'm really worried about you and your mom. Please tell me," I said softly.

He pressed his lips into a thin line. His features were scrunched. It seemed as if he was having an internal battle with himself. Why wouldn't he just tell me? I was his wife! I deserved to know what's bothering him and what happened to my mother-in-law. I crossed my arms over my chest while waiting for his answer.

"Zaynub, please don't do this right now. I'm not in the mood today to deal with your childish behavior," he sighed.

I froze. Did he just call me a child? Ouch. I'm not going to say that it didn't hurt. He thought of me as a child. He's just stressed he doesn't mean it. Don't take it badly. Control your outburst. Control it, I commanded myself.

"I'm sorry that I'm a child to you," I mumbled.

"Zaynub, you know I didn't mean it like that."

"It's fine."

"Zaynub-" he started.

"Goodnight Zakir," I interrupted before going to bed. I slept so that my back was facing him.

I heard Zakir sigh before mumbling something under his breath. A few minutes later, I felt the bed dip. He attempted to hold me, but I moved out of his way. Yes, I knew that this was childish of me, but he did think of me as a child in the first place. 

* * * *

Zakir Khan

Allahu Akbar Allahu Akbar.