Life Under the Hijab | ✔

{11} Confessions

Zaynub Khalid

I couldn't believe it. Zakir proposed to me! It seemed like a dream that I didn't want to wake up from. I just didn't know if I should marry him or not. I wanted to know why he chose me. Did his parents force him? If they did, then that means he doesn't like me enough to get married. Amir just told me to ask Zakir. Yeah, I needed to talk to Zakir first.

"Um... can I... uh... talk to Zakir for a minute?" I asked quietly.

Zakir nodded and walked out of the room with me.

"Why did you propose?" I questioned when we were alone, leaving the door open slightly.

"What kind of a question is that?" he scoffed.

"I want to know. This is a big decision and I want to know why it was me," I said.

He sighed. "I want you as my bride. You're perfect, Zaynub," he said honestly.

"I am? How?"

He gave a deep chuckle.

"You are perfect for me. You are a practicing Muslim and really smart. You're beautiful in every way. You put Islam and Allah before everything," he smiled.

"You think all that about me?" I choked out. My heart was drumming against my chest. Is it hot in here?

"Of course. I know you probably don't believe me or you think my parents forced me into this, but you're wrong. I chose this decision to marry you. Zaynub, I heard about another guy asking for your hand in marriage, and I got really mad. I couldn't stand to think of another man marrying you. It made me feel a weird flare in my heart. I don't want to see you get married and have kids with someone else. I want to wake up everyday with you in my arms. To hear your voice wake me up for Fajr (first prayer Muslims pray), and to have a family with you. I would love to kiss you and give you the love you deserve," he said.

He really did like me. I had no idea he had the same feelings I have for him. I could tell Zakir was telling the truth. His eyes were showing full honesty.

"I now realize why when you were about to die I felt like my world shattered. I couldn't stand to see you leave. I need you, Zaynub," he confessed.

"I know what my answer is now," I grinned.

I wanted Zakir as much as he wanted me. No guy ever made me feel the way Zakir did. Zakir was a perfect husband for me as well. Zakir and I walked back to the room everyone was in. It was dead silent when we walked in. Amir walked over to me and stood by my side. Zakir went and took a seat next to his father.

"My answer is yes," I announced.

With that said there was cheering. Everyone was happy, but I knew Hajar was forcing a smile. I wondered why. Why is she so sad that I agreed to marry Zakir?

Amu ran up to me and hugged me tightly. She let me go and cupped my face. Amu looked me in the eye.

"I love you. I knew this day would come. You have made a wise decision. If only your father were here. He would be so proud," she smiled.

"I love you too, Amu," I smiled back.

I felt like I made the right decision.

"Congrats Apu! You will have have an amazing life with Zakir bhai In Shaa Allah," she said with her voice cracking at the end.

I needed to talk to her, but not now.

* * * *

After everyone settled down, we started talking about the wedding. They wanted the wedding to be in the next month or so. Early, I know. Anyway I still had to talk to Hajar. The whole time she was quiet and looking down at her hands. She was sometimes mumbling things under her breath.

I stood outside Hajar's room. Everyone else was still downstairs, talking and laughing. Amu was actually happy for once. Hajar excused herself and went to her room. She had been giving Zakir cold glares when he wasn't looking. I knocked on her door.

Hajar opened the door. She seemed shocked to see me, then her expression turned sad. She let me in. I sat down on her bed and patted a seat next to me. Sighing, she sat down besides me.

"Hajar, I know something is bothering you. Every since Zakir proposed you have been acting weird," I calmly stated.

"Nothings wrong," she snapped.

"Tell me what it is. I know you're upset. Please tell me so I can help you," I pleaded.

Hajar stood up. "You want to know what's wrong? Fine I'll tell you. When Zakir bhai proposed I noticed something. You are going to leave with him. You're going to have another life with him, and without me. I need my sister so much right now, and Zakir is taking you away from me," she said.

"Hajar-" I started.

"Zaynub, I tried to kill myself," she whispered.

I didn't want to think about that day. It was too painful for me. I didn't want Hajar to think that I didn't care. I did care about her. I didn't want her to feel forgotten.

"I feel like I am going astray. I almost committed a huge sin. I feel so lost right now and I feel like my Imaan (faith) is slowly fading away. All I can think about is all those dark words that are thrown at me. It scares me. I know Noorah is here and all, and that she will help. But I want to know that my blood sister is also going to be there. Noorah has to worry about her pregnancy, so she can't help me. I need you, Zaynub. Please don't leave me," she lowered her head as soon as tears started filling up her eyes.

"Hajar, look at me," I urged.

She shook her head and didn't look up. I gently cupped her face so she could look me in the eye when I say this.

"I will never leave you. Allah is testing you. You must be patient. No child should go through the struggles you are going through, but if you turn to Allah. He shall help you. Allah will never forget you. He always cares. Forget all those kids. Just think about Allah. Ask Him for guidance. Ask Him to forgive your sins. Just because I am getting married doesn't mean that I will leave you. When I do move in with Zakir, I promise to visit you every week and call you every night In Shaa Allah. I love you, Hajar. Don't forget that. Noorah, Amu, Amir, Laila, Khadijah, Deeliyah, and I will help you get through this. We are here to support you. We all deeply care about you, especially me," I smiled.

"Really?" she sniffled.

"Yes, really."

Hajar's arm's  went around me in an embrace. Her head was on my chest and my arms were wrapped around her. I was gently stroking her hair.

"I love you, Apu," she mumbled into my chest.

"I love you too," I said as I kissed the top of her head.

After that, she fell asleep in my arms. I tucked her in and left her room. I was headed to my room when a sudden pain came to my legs.

I screamed.

The pain was unbearable. It was like a knife got stuck in there and wouldn't get out. I was on the ground grabbing my leg. I faintly heard Zakir.

"Zaynub!" he shouted.

Then my vision went black.

Assamualiakum guys!

Sorry that this chapter was kind of short. I know there's not a lot happening with Zaykir, but I promise it will get better. Remember to vote, comment, and fan! Thanks:)