We Are Each Other's Greatest Maybe (#9)

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by rndmsmmrflng

by rndmsmmrflng

Reply to #8

We are strangers.

We're both clueless of who we really are.
We're both clueless of the things behind our scars.
We're both clueless of the ice that stoned our hearts.

We chose to be clueless.

Maybe I was a coward. That one great jerk who gets to enjoy the heat and pleasures at night and pretends to be holy in the morning. I was the great douche in one's life that calls when the coldness haunts and escapes when the sun's up. I was the unforgivable bastard who's only after the moans, climax and thrusts but when touched to the deepest, the walls he built is scaring to fall.

I was your greatest maybe and i chose to stay that way because it was the best---safest, we both agreed.

I was your greatest maybe and sometime in the past I thought about telling you that you are to me too.

You are the persistent light who insisted to peep through the narrow hole in my dark life. You and I sounded alike but truth is we weren't. When you told me we're similar in so many levels and how it is possible for us to be destined---you didn't know how much I wanted to believe you. But i didn't. I didn't because repeating another cycle of heartbreak with much more weight of loss is scaring the hell out of my lifeless soul.

I can't risk losing the only person in my life who made me feel the heat I lost long time ago.

I can't lose the person who stayed despite the unforgivable touch and move I made.

I can't lose you.

But you told me we should try. And I panicked. Why? You... shouldn't have said that. You knew I was not gonna risk. You knew I can never risk again. And when you said 'it's okay I understand' i know you lied. It was not okay.

You are not okay and I am not, too.

I know i said I can't lose you but I should.
I should let go of you because I don't deserve you. You deserve someone who can risk losing the sun, moon and stars just to be with you. You deserve someone who will return the love I failed to do. You deserve someone who will ditch his fears because losing you is much more frightening. You deserve someone I am not.

You stayed... but i left. And it was all worth it.

Seeing you happy and glowing for someone is heartbreaking, but I'd rather stay cold and stoned for the rest of my life for you to be with someone you can be genuinely happy.

Sometime in the past i thought of telling you this but each time i see you smile, laugh and truly happy with someone who does the same---

I'd rather have you remembering me as someone who's only after the heat.