Excerpt From The Book I Poured My Heart On

Strangers and The Benefits (#8)

We are strangers. Despite the bits of information we gave each other, we are strangers. Despite the countless talks we had, we remained as strangers. Despite the nights we shared under the glowing full moon, we chose to be just strangers.

We chose this set up. We settled for this option when we had a choice to delve deeper. We were left with so many choices but we picked the safest one because we both know what getting-to-know-each-other could lead us. We both know that the heat of our cold soul can't do emotional pain than opening a door that could get us an even more broken soul. It was the safest, we both agreed.

But even the safest choice couldn't shield us from minor mistakes. Minor mistakes that tempted the broken soul to risk. Risks that was not even worth the take.

I should've been just contented of what we both could give; body heat, cuddles, longing kisses, ragged breathing, satisfying moans of pleasure and the perks of having it free all by myself.

I should've been just contented of the steamy nights and malicious gestures.

I should've been just cautious of the rules we both agreed upon.

I shouldn't have let the curiosity get the best of me.

I shouldn't have stared at your eyes for god knows how long.

I shouldn't have let your smiles linger in my mind.

I shouldn't have let myself think that i could fix you--us.

I shouldn't have freed my heart to feel emotions that it shouldn't.

I shouldn't have---but i did.

I took the risk of falling for you. It made me think that maybe you felt the same. Maybe i am more than just a buddy you can call when you feel cold, just the way you are to me. It made me hope that maybe you felt the same when you stared at my eyes and listened to my voice. Maybe I am not just someone in your life that keeps you warm at night, just the way you are to me.

The most stupid hope i ever whispered to myself was,

Maybe i am more than just a resemblance of the love you failed to keep.

But I was wrong. I am just the things you are not to me; just a pleasure. And sometimes i hope you remember me as someone who is more than just your buddy that kept you warm...

But someone who risked it all for the love that will never be reciprocated.

Photo from the movie "If I Stay"