escape

-拾叁-

thirteen;

[lisa]

i arrived home to a drunken dad laying sprawled against the only couch we owned.

i had to skilfully make my way to my room as shards of glass, burnt out smokes and rubbish were all over the floors.

nothing out of the norm to be honest.

i glanced at the kitchen counter top to be met with the usual things, bills, debts and more bills.

i let out a sigh and pushed myself to sit on the counter.

i inhaled and smelt the horrid stench of smoke and alcohol. nostalgic am i right?

i grabbed a whisk of my dad's liquor and poured it into a glass.

i whirled it around and finally took a sip.

the burning sensation made its way down my throat. almost causing me to gag as i took it straight.

i took a glance at the photo frame hanging up on the wall and let out a dry insincere laugh.

"aha~ look at you smiling brightly. how is it up there, huh? having the time on your life, instead of suffering with me and dad down here, drowning in debts. oh how you got out the easy way, you lucky lucky bastard," without me realising tears began to fall down my cheeks. i took another swig of the alcohol.

"i'm really close to joining you up there, i feel it. b- but i just can't because, because of him," i pointed at our father snoring away. "it's not his fault he's that way. it's all that bitch's fault. agh i swear if i ever meet her, i'd punch her and make her feel all the pain she's caused on all of us." out of anger i threw the empty glass on to the floor. shards of glass flew everywhere, making me feel somewhat better.

my father stirred a bit in his sleep but continued to snore away.

i feel that the glass is a representation of human life. sturdy but not strong enough as a simple fall can cause it to shatter into millions of pieces. it just goes to show how fragile the human life is.

"why is life so unfair!? huh? why joshua!? why can't i just join you and take the easy way out! but i just fucking can't!" i screamed and pulled my hair in frustration.

i glanced at the kitchen draw that was opened.

silver ware was shining and glistening my way asking to be used.

i became stuck in a trance as i walked over to the drawer.

i pulled out a long sharp chef's knife and stared at it dearly. i felt around it and slightly cut my finger due to my fiddling.

one stab in the heart can end all this pain and misery. just one simple stab.

may be painful for a bit but then nothing, numbness for eternity. then i'd be able to join you joshua.

tears continued to stream down my face. i positioned the knife to my chest and clenched my fingers around it tightly.

i've become to intoxicated to the idea of death that i felt there's no stopping myself now. i can't turn back.

just one stab. all pain and worries gone forever. f o r e v e r.

my eyes automatically closed as i was about to plunge the knife into my chest.

i let out a shrilling cry until i was suddenly interrupted by a loud voice.

"LISA STOP! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?"

i slowly opened my eyes and met the eyes of my frantic father rushing my way. he grabbed the knife out of my hands and threw it across the floor.

i watched in awe as he seemed to be actually genuinely worried.

he grabbed my shoulders and shook me out of my trance.

"are you okay lisa?" he asked sincerely.

without answering him i began to burst out sobbing.

i just then realized what i was about to do. images of people i could've been leaving came flashing in my mind. i was too close.

i cried aloud and i soon felt the warmth i've been needing for all these years. he engulfed me deeply into a hug and rubbed my head smoothly.

"i-it's okay lisa, i'm so sorry my baby." he whispered in my ear.

i cried even more as another realization hit me that i almost left this world and my dear father. i almost killed myself. i'm so stupid.

soon i felt a wet substance hit my head. that's when i knew my father began to cry as well.

"i'm just so tired dad. so so tired." i told him in between hiccups.

"i know and i'm so sorry. i'll try to be a better father, i'm just so sorry my baby lisa." he assured me. this is the dad i remembered as a young child. this is the dad i've been needing.

i missed this.

i missed this warmth.

i missed my father.

____

a/n; y'all IM GOING TO GOT7'S MELBOURNE FANMEET EIIDIEOEKENJW YES YES YES!! but fucking bts aren't coming melbourne BUT sydney ONLY tf  and ailee is coming as well and it's free ?? fck yeah