Bandaged & Damaged {BoyxBoy & FIN & EDITING}

chapter twenty-two

"Jasper?"

"I saw myself in her. Like she's been through some dramatic shit. Maybe that's why I can relate to her."

"Are you Jasper...Richardson?" I wasn't too sure if she hated or sad at the last name I was given. Ma told me that the mother didn't want me to have her last name because she didn't want to be contacted. I guess life is complicated.

"Yes, I'm Jasper. You are?" I asked and raised an eyebrow.

She cleared her throats and looked around nervously. "Dakota Paak, the last name you were supposed to have a last name."

"How come I didn't get it?"

Her eyes widened and she took a deep breath. "I—I—"

I sighed, already tired of the pointless conversation. My heart felt a bit heavy though. I wanted to keep it going but there was no point.

"So why were you there? Why did you want to meet her if there was no point?"

"I wanted to know the full truth."

Dakota sat on a booth and I was hesitate. Did she want me to sit next to her or across from her? I made my choice. I sat across from her. She didn't look upset though. She tapped her hands on the table as we sat in silence. Her fingers had silver rings. Was she married? Did she have other kids? Does that mean I have brothers or sisters? That angered me. If so, why didn't she give them away? Why didn't she leave them in foster care, wondering what was going to happen next?

"Do you like it here?" Dakota asked. She finally looked at me and saw the similarities. The eyes. She saw something more than she should.

"They weren't dull. They had a purpose, a meaning."

"You saw something more than you should too."

I nodded. "I come here sometimes. Anyway, Ma said you wanted to talk to me." She flinched at the word Ma. I haven't called Florence Ma in a couple of weeks but in my head I say Ma. Same with Pa.

"Oh," she whispered. She sat up straighter and flashed me a small smile. "And yes I would like to talk to you. I know they think that I wanted to use you for drugs but that's not the case. I would like for you to come back and live with me."

I shouldn't have done what I did. It was in the moment but I had too. It was just so...I laughed. I laughed so hard that tears came out of my eyes. I laughed but it wasn't a genuine laugh, it was a dry, humorless laugh but it made people flinch and that's what Dakota did. She flinched and others did too. When I finished laughing, I wiped my eyes and returned back to my blank face. "You want me to live with you after you left me in foster care? No."

Her smile dropped immediately and I was supposed to feel sorry for her but I didn't. How was I supposed to feel sorry for someone who left me? I was fucking five. I was alone with other kids who didn't know where their parents and were in a place they had to call home. I bet the same kids, who are probably teenagers/adults now, are still there.

"Jasper," she said softly. "I know what I did was wrong but I was addicted to crack. I didn't want to bring you down my path. That's why I had to put you into foster care. I didn't do it because I didn't love you, I did it because I wasn't ready to be the mother you wanted me to be. I love you and I always will."

"I love you and I always will. If only she knew what happened while I was in college."

I rolled my eyes and scoffed, looking at anywhere but her. I wanted to smell the bullshit but her brown eyes told me she did love me. I thought she didn't because she gave me up for foster care and the fact that Ma and Pa told her she was dead made things even worse. Dakota wasn't dead to Ma and Pa but they wanted me to make me think she was dead to me because they thought I would back to her. At this rate, I didn't want to be anywhere near anyone.

"What college do you go to?" Dakota said, changing the subject. I looked at the time on my phone and saw that it was around 1 in the afternoon.

"I go to the same college as Miles," I answered.

She nodded slowly and drummed her fingers again. "What's Miles like?"

"He's an asshole." Her eyes widened and chuckled. "Most siblings are assholes." No, Miles is a complete asshole...and confusing too. I was still getting used to Miles being nice. It almost looked like he was faking it but I could genuinely see that he enjoyed my company and wanted me to stay. A silence over us again.

"Why didn't you ask her questions?"

"What was I supposed to ask her?"

"So..." Dakota trailed. I locked with her brown eyes and she had a small glint in her eyes. I could tell she was enjoyed my company as well, even though we had awkward pauses. I sighed and felt my hands twitched. I reached over the table and grasped her hands in mine. She tensed at the touch but relaxed when I squeezed her hands.

"I don't know right now. I'll think about it but for now, I would like to go back to college," I told her and gave her a small smile.

Dakota nodded vigorously and let out a small sob. Her eyes teared up and she grabbed both my hands in hers, holding them tightly. I didn't ask her about my father because if he didn't have the energy to look for me then what was the purpose of meeting him? Besides, Dakota took care of herself without him. We sat there with our hands locked together, mother and...her son.

"Was it closure?"

"...No, it was a new beginning."

~~~~~~

if you're wondering why their meeting was so short was because jasper made it short and he said everything in his thoughts but didn't say it out loud. he didn't ask her if she was married or if she has any kids beside him because it was in the moment, he was thinking of other things. i think i left out a part but i don't seem to remember. it had to do something with jasper's mom.

anyway, @-PanicAtHogwarts- made it her mission to translate The Human Boy in arabic! Check that out! Thank you again. :D