The Hamoors' Island

It's the day

Chapter 18
I could recognize his face expressions that he meant it. I only was looking at him.. I didn't care if I couldn't see him like I used to see, his blurry picture was enough for me. "Do you really mean it?" - "of course." He said. -"When?" I said slowly. "We wait until you're eyes are fine." He smiled and indicated his beautiful teeth. At the sun shined bright up in the sky for very first time since I was here.
Days after days , I got better and better. I met Jake stealthy, I still wasn't brave enough to tell Arthur alongside he treated nice to me and he helped me a lot and was there for me in ever dark moment, I couldn't do that to him. I still needed time to make sure if he's okay without me.
In front of the sea.. The light blue sky and big white clouds, wind in my hair.. The weather gets colder everyday .. What should I have to do? I loved the fact that my one and only love is finally mine, but I could never accept the fact that I'm the only one Arthur has. I don't want to be cruel asshole. I don't want to break him. also, I could never love him. He can't be with anyone else. He could hurt people if he be with them. Maybe I should stay with him? But I can be happy the rest of my life. Or.. Will I be happy if I escape with Jake? Of course not. I can never be happy person by ruining the others' life. Arthur didn't deserve it. My mind was full divided between two men, one is the one I love and the other is half of me who I can't leave him. Arthur, I wish you were a bad person, so I could leave you alone easy.. But you're not. Jake, wish I could forget your sad eyes, wish you didn't look at me like that, wish you didn't love me back, but you do now. I closed my eyes and my skin could feel the cold breeze. Now maybe it could be better, if I weren't here. I stood up and shook the dust on my clothes. I walked to Arthur's place. He was carrying woods on his back, he noticed me and smiled. Put down the wood on the ground and came to me. "Now it'll be a great day if I see you early in the morning!" He said. I smiled. We were walking .. There was silence between us. I sat on the stone next to Arthur watching him packing up the firewoods.
He was fully into work and i watched him deeply. "It's getting colder. I will need these all for months .." He said while working. "Were you sick for a whole week? I didn't wanted to make you uneasy that's why I didn't come to see you." I didn't say a word. "Ahhh these are too heavy!!" He complained. "I missed you." I said slowly while watching him. He stopped what he was doing for seconds, slowly turned his head to me and gazed at me .. "What...did you just say?" He asked softly with his confused, happy face. My mind, my body and my soul were in two sides. The Hammor half of me wanted Arthur, needed him mentally and sexually and the other half human of me, flies to Jake. I couldn't understand this feeling. Maybe if I were a complete hamoor, with both hamoor parents, I couldn't fall for Jake and I was fully for Arthur .. That's why I couldn't leave him, I couldn't hate him, but I always ended up walking to him without any reason. No matter what my heart wanted .. "Did you really miss me?" Arthur was close to my face .. He grabbed my cheek and looked into my eyes with his enthusiastic charming hazel eyes. I put my lips on his lips involuntary and gave him a one sec kiss. "Yes." I said slowly, watching his half wet eyes of joy. I didn't know why I did that.. But whenever I was with him, my body never obeyed my brain. My half hamoor of me was so strong. Or, maybe it gets stronger whenever I'm close to him? I could feel that my passion goes higher and higher and I can't even stop myself. He swallowed the water of his mouth while watching me. I was still confused. He grabbed my other cheek with his other hand. My body was numb and willing .. No, I shouldn't stay like that but I couldn't stop me. I wanted to devote my whole body to him at that moment. I shook my head to wake up.. No I can't do this another time. Finally I got myself together and took a big step away from him. "I should go." I turned back immediately and walked fast so I couldn't back to him. This was getting bigger and stronger every minute I spent with Arthur. Will I be a complete hamoor after times I spend with him? We already kissed for several times, we had sex and spent a whole night.
Now, my body can't get away from him no more. He's like a strong magnet for my body. "Kim? What happened?" He asked with loud voice. I covered my ears not to hear him. I walked so fast. What just happened to me. I'm done. I can't let me do this. That's all too much to me and I can't endure it. -"Let's escape!"
-"Did you really miss me?"
Their voices were all over my mind. I woke up with distressed face. My cold hands were shaking but .. I know this day is most different day and now it's the beginning. 2 days after that day.. I already made up my mind. That was the only way I could be free from this horrible nightmare. Yeah, that's might be better. I already have told Jake to be right next to jungle's up of the mountain, where I wanted to meet him, and Arthur too. I wanted to meet both. I got something to tell them. I should end it all. For one week I avoided eating meat again. I was weak, my body went to Arthur all the time but I stayed hard .. My heart wanted Jake, so I should stop that too. I couldn't endure anymore. I wrote a letter for my dad, he did a lot for me to survive. But, wouldn't it be better if I knew all from the first? I put a loose jacket and started walking to mountain. The twilight and the glum atmosphere of island. I breathed hard. Never knew breathing can't be this exciting to me. I went up. Arthur was there early enough. My body locked. Kim, you should be strong. He smiled a came to me. He wanted a hug but I rejected. He was confused but he respected my choice as always. Minutes later Jake arrived, he was surprised thought he was the only one I called. Both stood in front of me and I was looking at the depth of the big valley next to us. Then I looked at them. "Today, is a big day, thought my life story would be boring but, at least I'm glad that it wasn't. I'm only here to thank you for loving me, but it can't be like the way it is. I can't make a choice ... I can never break you two down." I said with my tired  voice. Arthur looked Jake sadly, he couldn't believe that I still have feeling for Jake after all the times I'd spent with him. "So I have plan! I claim that it's the vest choice I made all my life!" I laughed through my tears.