Loved You First

Chapter 20 - The Lines

Zayn POV 

When we finally arrived to our complex  we ran down the corridor and into my flat. It was 3 am in London so we walked back to the bedroom and started to undress. Ang was taking off her top, her arms stretched above her head when I saw the thin light lines again. 

She caught me staring and quickly put on a night jumper. 

“Ang we need to talk” I said to her as I pulled her into me, but she shoved me away. 

“I don’t want to talk about it right now Zayn” she said as she walked over to the bed and slipped into the covers wrapping herself in the tightly as if she was trying to keep me away. I got in behind her and rested my head on her shoulder placing light kisses on her. 

“Ang, I told you that you don’t have to hide anything from me. Why are you hiding this?” 

“It’s embarrassing Zayn, I’m ashamed.” I could hear the tears in her voice as she sat up on the bed and faced away from me. 

I sat up and wrapped my arms around her “Ang, its me, ive been your best friend for almost 8 years. I am your husband now, I have never judged you. I’m always here for you. “ I reached down grabbing her left hand and kissed her wedding ring “we’re going to be together forever, no need to be scared or ashamed or shy about anything” 

She wiped a tear then turned around to look at me, she sat with her legs crossed in front of her and her hands rested on her knees. Her breathing was faster than usual and she just stared at me. I put my right hand on her left knee to try to calm her. 

Her hazel eyes where fixed on mine, she moved her hands to reach down to pull off her jumper, she took a breath, eyes still on me, and ripped the jumper off. She turned so that her left side of her rib cage was facing me she moved her left arm forward to show me the marks. I reached my hand out to touch them and she tensed up and moved to the side slightly away from me. 

How had I never seen these before? Ive seen her in bathing suits, in her bra and underwear, and naked constantly since grade 8 and I had never noticed these. 

“What is this Evangeline?” She put her arm down and looked at me again. 

“I told you… I hated myself sometimes Zayn. I had a lot of problems, and it took me a while to figure out that there was nothing wrong with me. The problem was what everyone expected from me.” 

“What do you mean Ang?” 

“I had problems, I never told you or even roger about them.” 

“You did this to yourself then?” I asked as I gripped her thigh 

Tears started to fill her eyes and fall down her cheeks “Yes” She looked down and then back up at me her eyes were blood shot, and sadness overwhelmed her face. 

I put her legs over mine pulled her into me and wrapped my arms around her “but why Ang? You could’ve talked to me about anything?” I pulled her face towards me “Why?!” 

She was startled that I had slightly raised my voice. “I… I’m not sure; I just wanted to be free. Everyone wanted so much from me and I couldn’t handle it. This gave me a release if only for a brief moment.” 

She leaned in and put her head on my chest 

“My parents expected me to be top of my class here like I was in Pakistan, but I wasn’t I was second, I was second by 1 number grade, and that wasn’t good enough for them. My dad hated me; he constantly told me that I wasn’t a good Pakistani woman. That the way I dressed and how I acted with you and Roger was bringing shame to our family. My mum felt the need to tell me every day that I needed to lose 4 kilograms if I ever wanted to find a husband. I was 15 and all my mum could ever tell me was that I was fat, I got down to 48 kilograms I’m 5’7 that isn’t healthy, but I was still too fat. My hips were too wide and my naturally chubby cheeks were too chubby. It was too much pressure on me and I snapped.” 

“Ang you could’ve talked to me” I said as I wiped tears from her cheeks and lightly kissed her forehead 

“I know that now... but I didn’t then, you’re Pakistani too, I though you would’ve thought the same as my parents. I didn’t want to hear you say those things, I didn’t want things with us to change.” 

I laid down and pulled her on top of me rubbing her rib cage. “Don’t you ever do this to yourself again. I am always here for you, I will never hurt you. I will always tell you how perfect you are. I never want you to be ashamed of anything” tears started to fall from my eyes “I love you Evangeline” 

We laid there for hours our bodies tangled and me rubbing over where her scars are. 

Evangeline POV 

I woke up the next morning and Zayn was gone, I never liked waking up alone when I had fallen asleep with someone. I looked at his pillow and there was a note ‘Left to get some tea and bagels, be back soon love xx.’ 

I got up and walked to the living room, I had stopped on the news and was starting to fall back to sleep when I heard

“Did Zayn Malik and Evangeline Naasif tie the knot while they were in Australia?” 

I instantly sat up and watched my phone waiting for my mum to call. 

“At One Directions last concert in Brisbane, a few fans noticed some new jewelry on the ‘new’ couple” 

A picture of mine and Zayns hands showed on the TV with our gold wedding bands. How the hell did anyone get a picture of that, we had them on for 2 seconds before I ripped them off. I was starting to freak out, my mum or dad would call any minute screaming at me telling me that I made a mistake. 

Zayn walked in the door and said “Your mums just called me...” 

“WHAT? She called you? What did you say? What did she say?” I spit out each sentence not letting him get a word in as he came and sat next to me 

“well umm, we have to get dressed an go to see her now, and my mum is going to meet us there as well” 

I slapped my hand against my forehead “They are going to rip us apart! That’s a three hour drive, ugh!” 

He tackled me down on the couch and started planting kisses all over my face

“We’ll be fine Ang, nothing is going to go bad and if it does we’ve still got each other!” 

He was right what’s done is done and I have him forever. 

But something about our mums still terrified me.