The Definition of Time

Chapter 31

For years,
she had fought to be free of two things.

i. Others' expectations
Who they wanted her to be
What they wanted her to do
and most of all,
worst of all,
how they wanted her to look

ii. The hold love had over her
The people
she loved enough to sacrifice all for
The heartbreak
only certain people could induce.

Then, two things happened
Opening the bird cage
unleashing her

i. They left.
Everyone.
Everyone she loved
They dissipated like mist
or maybe she ran them off
what's the difference?

ii. She stopped.
She stopped loving unconditionally
she stopped trying to please them
She stopped caring about all of it

She was free.

It's funny how freedom often resembles yet another cage.

November 5, 2014

I shove my textbooks into my backpack and grab my plate as we head out of the cafeteria.

"So how many dates have you guys been on?" I ask, still completely in shock that this is Jordan, cynical, sarcastic, acerbic Jordan, I'm talking to.

"I don't know. A few."

"Closer to thirteen, by my count," I add, enjoying the embarrassed flush on Jordan's face.

Luis and Jordan have hung out almost every day since Josh's birthday, and I've never seen Jordan so happy. Luis has taken her out just about every other night--picnics, fancy restaurants, homecooked meals. Jordan is every bit as moon-eyed as he is, and I am enjoying getting back at her for all of the teasing over the past year and a half.

"Oh, shut up," she says, shoving me roughly as we drop our plates off and head out of the cafeteria.

"You really like him," I tease.

Jordan turns to me, her eyes intent. "I really do. Rach, I...I was wrong. About everything I said before about fate and stuff. I get it now. I never...I've never felt this way. I never thought I would, not after Mom and Dad, and..."

As she struggles to put words to her feelings, I smile softly and squeeze her hand, "I know what you're saying, Jord. I'm happy for you."

I knew how Jordan felt sooner than she did. After Josh's birthday, I recognized that look in Jordan's eyes and I knew there would be no going back. The only difference between her and me is that Luis feels the same way while I have no idea how Josh feels. 

Jordan continues, "I wish you and Josh would...well, I wish Josh would get his act together and just ask you out." 

"You and me both, sister."

Jordan's typical sass returns as she elbows me. "But can we talk about how hot Luis is? Like, dang, does that boy know how to wear a suit."

I laugh and ignore her as we exit the cafeteria. "I'm heading to the library. I'll see you later."

Jordan and I part ways as she heads back to the lab to join Snotty Rodney on another reptilian adventure, and I head to the library to work on my most recent article for the Bee. This week I'm reporting on the gym's ban on all things sleeveless--restricting our civil liberties or simply protecting us from too much jock sweat? 

I settle into a cubicle and pull out my duct-taped laptop. With my current financial situation, aka nearing poverty, I am unable to afford a new computer, much less the repairs needed on my car, so I'm limited to going wherever I can walk and praying my computer doesn't meet an early demise. I pull up my article and plug headphones in, the soothing harmony of The Civil Wars filling my ears.