Worth it All

Chapter 1

3 months later...

William was lying awake on his bed, staring at the ceiling. A million thoughts ran through his mind, and every single one made him sad, angry, or depressed. He knew he needed to sleep but he couldn't, his mind wouldn't let him. He kept thinking about how he messed things up with his friends, made problems for everyone, made her upset and sad...
It's my fault, I did this. I wanna take it back but I know I can't...
He sighed as unshed tears danced in his eyes. God, he hated how weak he was, how fragile. He knew this wasn't him, it wasn't the him she loved or the one he did. It was a step up though, in any case, he just wished he knew how to make it better. How to go back and stop all of this shit from happening.
You can't dipshit.
He knew that, but still.

He rolled on his side trying to change where his mind went but it always went right back to the old days. The days he cherished and the days he wanted back more then anything in the world... more even then he wanted to live...
I need to make this right, I have to.
He knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that he was going to try, but he wasn't going to push her, not again.
I just want her to be happy...
And yeah, he wished it was with him. He knew that part of him she fell in love with was still there, and he knew a part of her saw it. If she didn't, she'd have dumped him and left him for good. He was trying, trying to be the old him, and it was working. He was relaxed he was calm and he only ever wanted to make her smile and happy to see him. And sometimes, she was.
He knew he deserved to be treated like shit. She had every single right to be angry, to be beyond pissed, and to hate him. He knew she should, and yet from what he saw, she didn't.

His heart picked up pace as he thought about her beautiful smile, and all the times she'd kicked his ass for being an idiot. "Heh," he let out a little laugh with a sad smile.
I won't hurt her again. I can't. She showed me everything I was missing and who I really am... she brought out the absolute best in me...
A single tear streaked down his cheek as he remembered so many different thoughts, and the wish to make new happy memories.

He finally came to one single conclusion. One that had been fighting in his mind for a very long time.
I'm not worth the dirt on her shoes, but God do I love her.
And that he did, beyond a shadow of a doubt. No matter what he would make her happy, and that's all he ever wanted. Even if it meant his life.
Yeah, my sanity is probably dancing on mars right now.
He knew that was a fact, but he also knew he had to sleep. They had an important meeting for all assassins tomorrow, and because Merlin was sick, he had to go.
A last image of her smiling went through his mind before he drifted off into sleep.