•Hold onto Me•

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I hear his mocking laugh.. not having any consciousness as to what he was doing, he had gone mad. I was in a panic state of mind, sweating, thinking to myself this was it, no one would find me. I then can hear myself screaming, like I'm reliving it all over again. I feel a jolt to my body and I jump to my feet. I then come to realization, and see my brother trying to wake me up out of a deep sleep, he had a startled look on his face. Lucky for him I didn't punch him. "Josh what the hell!" I snarled at him, my heart still racing from my lifelike nightmare. Only to realize that it wasn't a nightmare, that was another horrific memory that flooded into what could've been a peaceful nights sleep.

"What am I suppose to do let you scream all morning? Thought I was doing you a favor!!" He angrily defends himself. I didn't realize I had been screaming out loud. I felt my cheeks flush, Josh looks at me regretting what he had said, "Look I didn't mean to sound like an ass, no one is upset with you." He looks down puzzled, "but Paige.. I still can't help but to feel like I'm the one to blame.. and I know you're going to tell me to 'Shut the fuck up' or something but I do." I could here the sincerity in his voice, "So all I'm trying to say is I'm sorry and I hope your first day is a good day, I really don't want to have to leave and start over again, so just try, please!" Without even giving me a chance to tell him to quit blaming himself, he walked out and I heard the front door slam. I feel sorry for the first person he sees today.

I walked over to my closet I was determined to make this first day one not to remember. Im so tired of starting over every damn time I mess something up with where I'm at. I always end up wanting to confide in someone, and then becoming scared that I am going to end up doing just that. So then I have to begin begging my brother to move again.

I looked at my closet most of my clothes from my dresser were still in boxes, so I made due with what I had. It's the middle of October, so I believe leggings and a gray Newberry College
t-shirt I found at a goodwill, would suffice. I threw a blue pattern flannel over it, and wore my army green rain boots. My hair was almost never done, and today didn't make a difference to me. So, my hair was put into a loose messy bun, it had gotten so long I had forgotten how to handle it.

I walk to school, I feel like making Josh move around all the time, and practically forcing him to find a new job is sacrifice enough. So, I try not to throw in asking him to also drive me to school. Even if I was a senior in high school, I didn't feel the pressure of having to have the best looking car or clothes. There are much larger things in life I need worry about than being classified as someone who is popular, at school.

As I walked I counted the raindrops falling in front of me, as it got to be heavier and heavier it allowed me to take a deep breath. I like the rain it's calming to me, not my hair, but to me. The feeling of a damp morning and being able to smell the rainy day ahead seems so peaceful and simple, gosh do I miss simple. As a I continue counting rain I try to connect with the drops exploding when they hit the ground. Seeing it drizzle is like letting me know I'm not alone, watching a storm is something that makes me feel as though I can breathe again and listen to the wind howl in such a rage at the world, feels like it's yelling for me, the voiceless.

I get to the school in about 10 minutes. Stupid small town, people are already noticing that I'm the new girl, lucky me. I look around the parking lot at the students under umbrellas and fancy rain coats. I guess that's what happens when you live in Washington, rains kind of a given. I feel eyes on me I can't pin whose they were, since it looked like everyone was staring, but it made the hairs on the back of my neck stand. I can't tell if it's my gut saying watch out, or if it's just the feeling you get when people notice you. I had forgotten how that felt a long time ago.

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Let me know what you think so far!! Any guesses on what happened to Paige?
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