•Hold onto Me•

15

PAIGES POINT OF VIEW

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As I walked out of my bedroom, thoughts flooded my mind. I know he doesn't want to talk about it. I get that believe me, but I just think it's got too much hold on him. If he could just talk about it maybe he will feel better. I hate myself for thinking this, because I'm the same way. I have been lying to him from the start and he will never know. And if he finds out he will hate me, no questions asked.

With Christmas coming up I see this as the worst time of year. I'm constantly on edge. I hate it. The feeling of someone lurking and waiting to make their move when you're not ready. That's the feeling I get around Christmas the end of the year. Everyone is having a great time, shopping, laughing, and enjoying the holidays. Where I get the horrible memories and feeling of bitterness.

James closed the door behind him. He took a deep breath he was exhausted physically and emotionally.

I couldn't believe he actually opened up to me, in his own way. He needed a person and I was there for him. That's something I always wanted with someone, but for some reason I couldn't help but feel guilty. I was happy to see James show he trusts me. But it hurts me to know that I couldn't show him my trust in him.

"Look.. it's late and I hate to ask anything from you but-" his voice was soft he was genuinely upset looking at the ground. I grabbed his face with both hands and pulled it up for him to look at me. I looked into his eyes he was worn out, "let's go to sleep James." He nodded his head not fighting me at all. We walked towards the living room and I was spun around.

James grabbed my waist and pulled me into a deep kiss. My eyes shot wide open I wasn't expecting this. I grew into the surprise. A good surprise believe me. The kiss became very hard and passionate. We fell onto the floor in the living room. I love him. I love him. I love him. I started to shake. I can't hold it back any longer. The two and a half months I have known him I grew to fall more and more in love with him. My heart was racing, I was so nervous. I knew what I wanted and it was him. I trusted him more than I ever thought I could trust someone. I crawled on top of him straddling him. His lips touched my neck, fireworks went off throughout my whole body. His hands wondered my body. I have never felt this way before about anyone. I was so hungry for his love, yet it was so pure. Still kissing I lifted my head up and took my shirt off. Luckily my bra and panties matched, hope he doesn't think this is intentional. He looks at me and throws his hands over his face, "wow.." he whispers, "I have got to be the luckiest guy.." my face turned red but in a good way as he begins to kiss every inch of my body. I used to feel so insecure of my body, I never wanted to do this. But with him it didn't matter, he made me feel secure. He was there with me in a time of need. He wanted to be with me. He could've gone anywhere tonight, but we share something. We have a connection, we understand the good and the bad. We know that there's not going to be good all the time so when it's there embrace it. I love him. The night became a place of peace. It was me and James. We were happy in our own way together. Content with what we could give one another. The kisses grew sweeter and longer. Everything that was in my head telling me this wasn't going to work went away. It was me and James and the night was perfect.

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The next morning I woke up to the smell of bacon. I had a fleece blanket laying on top of me and one of the couch pillows behind me. I felt new. A smile curled up on my face before I even opened my eyes. He's still here and I get to see him again. When I rolled over I saw Ali looking at me smiling. "FINALLY! You have been asleep forever!" My face turned red with a gasp. I giggled pulling the blanket up, "well good morning to you to sunshine! Why don't you go grab some breakfast I'll come in there in a few minutes," I was nodding to persuade her answer smiling. She stood up, "okie," and walked towards the kitchen. I jumped up and darted to my bedroom with nothing but James oversized shirt on from yesterday.