On The Fence

Chapter 18

What happened that night was uuummmm....scary. I was sitting on my bed after I ran out of tears, sniffing. All that was running through my head was thoughts about what I wanted to do next. I had already given up on everything and anyone. I wished Miguel would call me knowing what I wanted to do and try to stop me. I wanted someone; anyone to call me and stop me from what I was going to do when I pulled the drugs out of my pocket. I sat there with the tiny zip lock bag in my hands, filled with white powder. I really wanted to use it; I knew how. Something inside me was telling me not to. I knew I shouldn't. I knew if I did, I would get addicted and I'm not too good with breaking habits. Subconsciously, I began to rock back and forth, every now and again, I'd rock faster and faster. I wanted to use it but I didn't at the same time. I was scared but I was determined. I was confused. My mind was spinning.

"No......no..." I kept repeating, "I can't....no I can't."

I kept shaking my head.

"No...no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no....noo, no, no!! NOO!!"

And that's when I lost it. I threw it across the room and screamed. It didn't even register to me until Jordan ran into the room and stooped down beside me telling me over and over to get up off the floor and to stop rocking.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!!" I screamed, "LEAVE ME ALONE, PLEASE!! GO AWAY! Go away, go away, go away, go away, go awaaaaaay."

The tears came back and I was rocking again.

My mom entered my room slowly; quietly. I guessed she saw the drugs on the floor by her facial expression from the floor to me and I saw her eyes get glassy.

"Bree.." she whispered.

"GET OUT! EVERYONE" I yelled.

No one listened to me so I got up, grabbed my phone and left myself. Behind me, I heard my mom crying. Jordan tried to hold me back but I shoved him off. He reached out again and grabbed my arm so I kicked him in the leg, making him buckle over, and stormed out of the house. 

"Breanne where are you going!?" My dad called after me.

I ignored him.

As I went down the steps, I saw Miles on his porch. He looked up at me and his expression was worried. "Bree, what are you doing?" He said as I began to walk down the street.

I ignored him.

"BREANNE, TIA, SIMPSON, GET BACK HERE!!" My dad called after me.

I ignored him. 

Then Miles caught up with me. "Are you okay?" He asked.

I didn't answer him. I just kept walking.

"Whoa, Annie slow down--"

I stopped walking and looked him dead in the face, "do not call me Annie. My name....is Breanne." I started walking again and he followed.

"Bree, what is going on?"

I didn't answer him.

I heard a car driving behind me. It should have passed me a while ago but it didn't, so I turned around. My dad's car.

"Bree, get in the car," he said.

I kept walking.

"Breanne!....Breanne get into this car."

"Bree, do you need to talk? I'm right here; talk to me."

Now you want to be that person?- I thought -Forget it. I'm not talking to you.

This went on for a while. I kept walking and eventually Miles gave up and went home. I wished he stayed. But he didn't. I kept walking. I wasn't going back to the life that was secretly, subconsciously a lie. Didn't know where I was going...when I was gonna stop....but as far as right now...I wasn't going home.

I was so focused on the ground, I didn't even notice I had began to cross the road at the wrong light. There was a car honking repetitively. It was getting louder and I didn't look up until it was 0.090 seconds away from me. Everything after that was a mystery.