Life's Little Teardrops

I was alone.

And for the first time I hated it.

My entire life someone had been chatting in the background. And in the piercing silence I couldn't help but think if back then, when people were always here.

"So... why can't we just skip all of this crap?" Deedee said waving her pen to the projected math on the wall.

"Because you have to know this to get to it." Mrs.Maxwell said impatiently. Deedee rolled her eyes, "You're not redeeming yourself." The teacher said pointing to the list for lunch detention.

"Dude our class is so entertaining!" Trinity said smiling in this dorky way only she can.

I miss that smile.

"What did you say?!" Deedee asked from across the class raising her eyebrows in fake offense.

Trinity shrugged.

"Georgia that's it go outside until you can behave!" Georgia picked up her paper and walked to the door.

Our class was so normal.

I miss that chatter. Id kill to hear it now.

But I'm alone now on the roof. At our school were it was always normal and nothing really changed.

But it did change. They were gone, and I was alone.

The wind is blowing through the tall oak trees that had one been hangouts and frankly I remember sitting there, on the grass while Deedee, Trinity and Bailey would make up nicknames and jokes that would later start petty arguments. Like once when....

We all sat by the abandoned soccer goal that we had unofficially claimed as our own. We all were chatting and laughing about things that happened in class until the topic of the new kid came up.

It was always news when a knew kid came to the school, probably because the school was so TINY.

There was a little chatting but then I came up with the topic that "I think Trinity likes him." (She didn't but it was fun to tease her). Trinity denied it and tried to change the subject but me and Deedee wouldn't drop it.

We all looked over to the soccer/football/sports-in-general-field to were all of the middle school guys and some of the girls were playing football.

It was empty now, not even a bird.

Bailey sat on the ground drawing in the dirt as Deedee ran closer to the new kid yelling "Trinity likes (Ya I'm gonna leave it blank but if you want to let's call him bob!!"

Trinity turned to face the tall fence behind her completely embarrassed and I had to admit I would be too.

I leaned on the fence and smiled at her. She seemed irritated but oh well.

Deedee ran back and started laughing.

After that a rumor swooped the school claiming Trinity liked 'Bob'. Trinity blamed me and Deedee but eventually get over it.

That was a funny time. Now the funniest time I get is when I find a funny note in a desk from my class.

I have to say that the people in my class probably wouldn't have missed me. I always seemed to fade to the background.

I still do.

But my friends were great and were probably more like sisters.

Why do I think of the past so much? Is it because there is no future? Or maybe because thinking of people makes me feel less alone?

I don't know which.

As for right now, it's about noon I think and I'm sitting on the roof of a classroom overlooking the field/Basketball-court/playground, just like every day. My notebook is next to me with a pen, up until now I haven't used it other than for doodles.

I open it and find the fresh white pages comforting. I click my pencil and tap my nails on the metal roof.

I wish Deedee was here. She'd be funny, she'd make a joke. I wondered where she was right now. Heaven? Wonderland?

I didn't know. And the worst part was I couldn't ask.

This is one of the moments I might have cried about in the beginning, but I'd used all my tears.

I began writing. Phrases, lyrics, quotes, I didn't know.

My tears wash away my fears and I reach for shooting stars that can carry me far to Neverland, or Wonderland.

I miss the days and the suns hot rays on the blacktop on sunny days and those moments so loud you want to scream.

I might of been mean, I'll never know because their thoughts lie far under the sea and it's just me.

Since then, it's been a terrible life, and I wish they could come save me. But instead they're too dead and I sit here with my head in the clouds.

Where are they now how can I find out?

I tore out the page and ripped it in half. I tore it into pieces so small I couldn't read the random shit I had just written. I stood up looking over the green grass that had grown to a foot or so high, and the cracked basketball court. I loved this place.

I smiled and looked down at the paper shreds in my hand. The wind blew hard and I let them fly, way down the hill past all the trees and flat basketballs. To that place. On that hill way over there that I had always daydreamed about at recess. Where all the trees on the hill made a little treeless spot where in the spring I could see cows in the distance.

Maybe that's where they were. Just on the horizon, just out of reach.