Broken Promises

Chapter 14- The Problem

Dear Kate,
I want you to know I am sorry, I just want your forgiveness. I know I was wrong for leaving you and your mum, but in the moment, that's what I had to do. It's different now but I would still like to know you. I want to be in your life Kate. Is that too much to ask? Is there a part of you that misses me too? I have so much to tell you, but I feel like I'm a burden. I'm your father Kate, and it's up to me to fix the mess I made for you, if it isn't too late.

Sincerely,
Your Father, Jonathan Lowe.

I had been putting off reading this letter my father sent, I tried to bury it. As much as I wanted to forget about it, forget about my past, I couldn't, because it followed me in my mind and it wasn't going anywhere. I blame my father for a lot, though I guess if I was in his position only thinking about myself, then I would too, I would leave and find someone else. Which is what he did. But here is the difference. I wouldn't leave knowing I was going to neglect a child. Which is what he did. Time changes people, I know that, as it changed me. I have been able to pick myself up and build a life, but sometimes there's that one thing that always stays the same. For me, that's my father. I still have him, he's still alive. So I have to face him, eventually. I'm just not ready to let him into my life, knowing it could go down horribly, and what I tried to build for myself crumble to pieces. My dad only brings back memories that remind me of broken strings, they only last for a second, until the moment has been pulled back to reality, and everything is torn apart. All of these emotions have me encompassed in a dark place and I want to get out of it. I can't though. Hiding under my covers doesn't save me any tears and I shake uncontrollably, remembering the night he left, crying myself to sleep at the words he once said. "Goodbye Kate, you are going to grow up to do amazing things one day, it's such a pity I won't be there to see it."