Messy Love (Ed Sheeran)

Distance

He continued to sit beside me, and I guess I was being stubborn, but I just wanted my space to think.

I felt somewhat hurt inside, and the guilt was tearing at my morals, my morals that made me who I am, who I was.

Just to visualize the guilt on his face when I asked him, and all the disappointment I felt to know that my so sudden love was not mutual. It hurt.

Though I tried to enjoy the company of all the new guest, and can see that they were enjoying it, too, I couldn't feel as happy as usual.

"Hey Barbs, so what happened yesterday, huh?" Harry winked at me, and I forced a smile while everyone 'oooh'ed dramatically.

Ed chuckled beside me, and I refused to take a look at him.

I nodded and felt my heart break inside at the though that the whole world probably assume I'm a whore.

I am one.

"I went on a date,  and I enjoyed it," I shrugged off,  playing with my ring.

"Must of been really exciting," he joked, and I couldn't stand it. I forced a laugh and sighed, looking at my phone for the time.

"Yeah, uh" I stuttered as they chuckled. I should probably walk out before I have an outburst.

To my surprise, I felt Ed's phone vibrate beside me, and he quickly shuffled to pull it out.

"Excuse me, lads." I heard him say as he stood and patted my shoulder on the way out deeper into the grass of my backyard.

A quick silence over came everyone, and I quickly shuffled on the Pandora. I looked at Harry, and his smile was disappearing as he looked at me.

"Oh dear, I need to go pick up my husband," Perrie looked at me with a raised eyebrow, her gaze concerned.

"Of course, here, I'll walk you out," I stood and looked at everyone, telling them to enjoy and reassured I'd be back. Perrie smiled and grabbed my hand as we entered back into my home.

"Details, tell me details," she gazed at me as she walked through the hall beside me.

I looked at her and shook my head, only one way to summarize my feelings.

"So much for taking it slow, right?" I coughed sarcastically, feeling the knot in my throat. I looked up at her, and her face held a grimace. I feel the tears well up in my eyes.

Her face fell into a sympathetic 'oh my dear' look and she pulled me into a hug.

She then quickly shuffled me into the room and closed the door behind her, and once that lock clicked, I felt the tear rush down my face.

She quickly shuffled to me, comforting me when I needed it the most.

"Babes, what happened?" she whispered softly as she rubbed my back, but I refused to let anything else escape.

"I just, I just.. I lost it," I looked at her, and she looked at me confused.  I lifted my hand to show her my promise ring. She looked and opened her eyes wide.

"You're engaged," she almost shrieked. I rose an eyebrow and shook my head.

"It's a promise ring, Perrie. And I have to take it off now, you know how much that punctures my inner morals? I feel horrible," I explained and she nodded, understanding.

"So you didn't have feelings for him," she murmured sadly, and I looked back up at her, fidgeting with the ring on my finger.

"Of course I do, but we just moved so quickly.. and when I asked him about last night..." I coughed.