Messy Love (Ed Sheeran)

In A Heartbeat

Barbara POV

I was excited and I could tell Ed was too. We weren't go into any clinic or hospital because paps would follow, so we had them come to our hotel in Germany where we were currently touring at.

We had two more weeks here in Europe and then back to America where we'd finish the tour in September- 4 months away- where I'll be 9 months already. God damn.

I was getting a tad bit nervous now. And my excitement just burst when the hotel door was knocked on.

Ed sat on the couch playing a quick melody with his guitar when the someone was at the door. His blue eyes caught mine and I smiled.

"I got it," he said as he jumped up, for the first time ever he did not set his guitar right and I giggled and stood, placing it right as he greeted whoever was at the door.

I turned to find my doctor- Mrs.Whitney standing with a bright smile- eyes bright with content as usual but face a little redder than usual.

"Barbara, when you said ed, i didn't know you meant this Ed," she pointed at Ed with a nervous laugh. Ed closed the door behind him, his cute little smile just there on his face. God. I wanted to kiss him just because I was so excited.

"I'm nervous," he kept staring as he let out a deep breath. I giggled, looking down at my belly with pure joy. My little peanut is probably not a peanut anymore.

My doctor laughed as she opened her suitcase and revealed the machine she had to build- Ed offered to help but ended up almost destroying the thousand dollar machine in the making. I couldn't help but laugh.

Dr.Whitney looked up at me as I tried to sit up right, and her eyes scanned my belly.

"How many weeks are you now, Barbara?" She asked with a smile, but you can see the tint of concern. I shrugged it off- it's a doctor thing.

"I'm 18 weeks and 5 days," i looked at Ed who looked a bit thrown off by the accuracy.

"I memorized it from my calendar I downloaded on my phone" I rolled my eyes and he laughed, his eyes just gazing at me softly.

" Well you're...quite small, let's just take a basic ultrasound to get a better look inside the little munchkin," Dr.Whitney smiled... But I furrowed my eyebrows.

"Is that bad?" I said, my heart pumping a little harder in fear, as she pulled the machine to the couch, Ed moving his guitar as she waved me to sit. I did so, trying to get as comfortable as I could.

"Not necessarily," she replied as she turned on the machine.

I could feel Eds eyes on me- and he grabbed two chairs and gave one to Dr.Whitney as she took out a blue bottle. She thanked him as he sat beside the arm rest, setting his chin right on my shoulder as he nudged me with his head- like a cat.

I laughed and that calmed my nerves a bit.

"Now let's see," she grinned as she started pulling my shirt up and I quickly took over- folding the black shirt over my breasts and I could hear Ed chuckled.

She squeezed the bottle and the gel fell onto the bottom of my belly, making me flinch. Ed laughed and I rolled my eyes.

"It's cold," I tapped his cheek and he kissed my temple, grabbing my hand and squeezing it.

"Here we go, let's see," dr.Whitney concentrated on my belly as she sent the tool over the gel, looking at the screen.

And there it was, the little body, starting to get features already. It gave me goosebumps.

"Looks like a boy," she laughed a bit before it died down.

My heart melted that second.

My baby boy.

My eyes watered and Ed tightened his grip on my hand.

"That's our baby boy?" i sighed and Ed sent his lips on my hair, his chuckle sounding shaky.

"My little man," he finished. My cheeks would rip from how happy I was.

"Hmm.. Weird," Dr. Whitney rose an eyebrow as she suddenly pursed her lips.

"Maybe I forgot to turn this on..." She murmured as she turned to the monitor beside us, clicking a button on and off and back on.

I kept my smile, watching the black and white screen with happiness.

"What are you looking for?" I looked at the floor, in case something had fallen.

She didn't respond as she deepened the tool into my belly and I flinched again.

"Ow," I coughed, raising an eyebrow. She looked up apologetically as she frantically looked at the screen.

"I'm sorry.. Did.. That feel tender?" Her fair skin began to redden as she pulled her blonde hair behind her ear, her jaw tense.

"Yeah... Is everything okay?" I asked as I began to flicker my gaze between Ed, Dr.Whitney, and the baby on the monitor screen.

"Is.. There suppose to be a heartbeat," Eds voice was low and hesitant... I looked over my shoulder at him to see his eyes had darkened, his mouth slightly ajar as he gazed intensely at my doctor.

She didn't reply.

I craned my neck back at her, my breaths deep.

She focused on my belly, looking up at me as she sighed and looked at the screen.

"He's not moving," she murmured to herself.

"Huh?" I was confused.

Ed sat up, never letting go of my hand... But I pulled away to sit up. My heart dropping.

"What... What do you mean? Is the monitor broken?" My voice rose a bit and Ed held me down.

"Barbara hold still, I'm trying to make sure..."

"Why isn't he moving on there?" I asked as I began to panic.

"Barbara you need to calm down, it's okay babe," Ed said softly but I could tell by his face that he was just as afraid.

I held still in the silence as my heart pumped heavily. Then Dr.Whitney looked up at me- pain and disappointment in her tone.

"That explains why the fetus stopped growing- why you're belly hasn't grown ," Dr.Whitney looked at Ed and not at me. Eds hand on my shoulder making me more tense.

"What explains what? Stopped... I'm just- what?" I tried to make sure I was hearing wrong, I shook my head- my eyes back on the monitor.

"Barbara, he has no heartbeat- I'm sorry," her eyes watered and I stood there, eyes glued to the black screen as she set down the tool.

"I went to an appointment 5 weeks ago and-" Ed spoke for me- his voice bewildered and concerned.

"-and I'm going to need you to go to the emergency as soon as possible. If the baby has been there long enough it could harm you-" she began to say. My ears began to ring and I was just looking at her. I was confused. I didn't want to believe what she was trying to say. I wasn't paying attention to Ed who continued to question- helping me up and I just looked down at my belly. It wasn't until I caught two words that I began to cry.

"Silent miscarriage,"

And in a heartbeat.

Everything changed.

Everything was gone.

The heartbeat was gone.