Flashback (continued)
"She was brought in to the hospital too late. We weren't able to do anything to stabilise the baby. I'm sorry for your loss, Gary ssi."
"I understand.." He said and thanked the doctor. He paced around the door of the ward and cupped his head with both hands. They both love and were excited about their unborn child. She thought he wouldn't know it but he had seen it several times. On some nights, she would silently crept out of bed and go to the study room. Sitting on the rocking chair, with the lights on, she would picked up a children's book and read it to their baby.
He couldn't think of how to break the news to her. He wanted to cry. He wanted to scream but he had to stay strong for Jihyo. She needs him more than anything now.
"Gary," he felt a hand on his shoulder and turned around to see Rye Il and Hye Won standing behind him. He looked down and spotted them holding hands.
"I knew one day you guys will be together." He said and showed them a faint smile before turning back to face the room.
Rye Il and Hye Won glanced at each other. There wasn't much that they could do to help them. Only words of comfort. "Have you check on her?" Hye Won asked.
Gary shook his head. He leaned his right forearm with the elbow bent against the door and rested his head on his arm and closed his eyes.
"Both of you have to face this together. Go in. We will wait outside." Rye Il gave him a firm pat on his shoulder. With that, Gary raised his left hand to the door handle and slowly slide it opened to a gap that was just big enough for him to enter and closed the door. The blinds in the room were drawn down and the lights were slightly dimmed.
He pulled out the chair beside her bed and sat down. He propped up his elbows on his leg and buried his face in his hands.
"We lost it, didn't we?" Her voice was raspy and trembling.
Gary lifted up his head and his eyes met her tear-streaked face. He raised a hand and wiped away a tear trickling from the corner of one of her eye with his thumb. "We're still young. We can always try for another one." He said quietly and gently caressed her cheek.
"Another one? How can I when I can't even protect our baby?" She cried.
"If only I had went to the doctor when I felt the pain. I was stupid to think that it was just a gastric pain. I failed as a mother and as a wife. Leave me alone. Get out. I can't face you now. " She grabbed his hand and pushed him away but he wasn't going to leave her alone.
He stood back next to her bed. "You're perfect to me and will always be. No one expected it to happen. The baby.. Maybe it just wasn't meant for us."
"It was my fault! You don't have to be here! Leave!" She shouted. She continued to push him away despite the little amount of energy she have but he wouldn't budge.
He felt his heart ripping apart seeing her in this state.
He sat on the bed and grabbed her arms. He leaned his body towards her, trapping her hands between their bodies and then released his grip to wrap his arms around her body. He hugged her tight even as she struggled to break free.
"Please, Jihyo. I know you're in pain. I am too. I've already lost something precious, I can't lose you too. Please don't do this to yourself." He cupped the back of her head with a hand and stroked it gently.
"You're my best friend, my wife, the person I love. So, please.." He said in a hushed tone. Slowly, she stopped struggling and lay limply within his embrace.
-
As she thought about the past, her grip around the bottle tightened. Ever since that day, things have changed. She put the bottle back in the drawer and closed it.
"Where are you? Can you come over?""I'll wait here." She put down the phone and leaned back on her chair.
***
"Did you skip lunch again?" Gary carried her handbag and helped her into the car.
"I didn't have the time to eat." She buckled her seat belt and replied.
He opened up the dashboard storage tray and held out a blister pack of pills to her.
"What is that?"
"Gastric medicine."
"You know the reason why I stopped taking it." Her eyes darted from the blister pack to him
"Are you going to live the rest of your life this way?"
She averted her gaze and reclined the seat. "I'll be fine after taking a nap." She turned her head away from him and closed her eyes.
Gary tossed the medicine into the storage tray and slammed the lid shut with a loud thud.
