Upon reaching home, she headed straight into the bedroom and lay down on the bed without removing her make up. She pulled the blanket over and curled herself into a foetus position.
He settled her bag on the dressing table and went to the window to close the curtains before going over to her.
"Does it still hurt?"
"A little.." She said softly. Her arms wrapped around her stomach.
"I'll go and prepare something for you to eat."
"Hmm.." She mumbled. He pecked her on her forehead and closed the door as he leave.
He went into the kitchen and placed his hands down on the counter and looked up at the ceiling. He closed his eyes for a brief moment and then let out a sigh. He opened the fridge and took out a tetra pack of chicken stock and a container of frozen dumplings from the freezer. The dumplings were made by Jihyo's mum. Whenever she made plans to visit them, she would make and pack some and bring them along to their house. It was Jihyo's favourite comfort food.
He put the dumplings into the boiling stock and waited for it to be cooked before transferring it into a bowl.
He opened the room door and quietly walked towards her. He tapped her on her arm and called her. She stirred on the bed before peeling her eyes opened.
"It's ready," he said.
She sat up with her legs hanging over the side of the bed and rubbed her eyes. "I'll be out after changing." She murmured and grabbed a shirt and a pair of shorts from the wardrobe and went to the bathroom.
She was all bare-faced when she came out of the room. She went to the dining table where Gary was at and sat down in front of the bowl of dumpling soup. "Omma was here?" She asked. She don't remember seeing any dumplings in the fridge.
"She came for a short while when you were at the office." Gary replied.
She picked up the spoon and tasted the soup, then the dumplings. The taste of the dumplings were still the same as what she had when she was a kid.
Gary got up from the chair and went to the room while she ate. A few minutes later, he came back into the dining area. "Are you feeling better now?" He asked as he sat back down.
She nodded her head. "Gomawo, yeobo."
He reached into his pocket and took out a name card and placed it on the table. "Yeobo," Gary paused and looked at her. She stopped eating and return his gaze as she wait for him to speak. "Go for therapy. I know of a psychologist. He will be able to help you." He slide the name card across the table to her.
She stared at the white card silently.
'S' Centre for Counselling and Psychotherapy
Dr Hyun Su Jin
Certified Psychologist
Her lips set in a straight line and she laid down the spoon on the table. "I'm not going." She said firmly without looking at him.
"Jihyo-yah, stop torturing yourself." He reached for her hand and pleaded.
She slide her hand out of his grip and stood up suddenly causing the chair to be pushed backwards with a screech. He watched her walked a few steps before standing up. He grabbed her hand and spun her around. "Let's go together. I'll be with you throughout." He looked at her but she wouldn't meet his eyes.
"I told you I'm not going."
"Do you know that you're harming yourself? You're not having regular meals and you choose not to take gastric pills despite being in pain. Jihyo, please. Listen to me and go for therapy."
"None of the gastric pain I suffered from can be compared to the pain I felt a year ago." She looked at him in the eyes and said. "Why are you bringing this up again? Didn't we agree to not talk about it? How many times do you have to ask me? How many times do I have to tell you that I'm not going to go?" She shouted at him. Her lips quivered as tears streamed down her flushed face.
"Then how many times do I need to tell you that I've never blame you for what happened? Why are you putting yourself into this misery?"
"Yes, you never blame me for it. But I wished that you did. I wished that you would have scolded me for not listening, for not eating proper meals, for not doing the things that a pregnant woman should do! I felt hundred times more guilty when you chose to ignore the fact that I was the one who caused the miscarriage, that it was my fault."
"It's been a year, Jihyo-yah! Ever since then, other than sleeping in the same bed, things between us were never like how it used to be. You distanced yourself away from me and we stopped having intercourse. Till when are you going to stop acting like this!" He yelled and let out a frustrated huff.
A pain expression clouded her face. "Sex.." She uttered. She pulled her hand out of his grip and glanced at the floor and then looked back at him, "I'm sorry that I can't give you what you want. I'm sorry for being selfish all this while."
"Jihyo, that isn't what I meant."
"Maybe someone out there will fulfill that need of yours." She said without batting an eyelid.
His body stiffened at that. He knew her well to know that she said it in a fit of anger but still, it wasn't easy for him to digest it. Especially when it comes from someone that he love.
"Do you know what you're saying? Isn't it a little too much?"
"I'm sorry. It's just.." She paused, choking back on her tears and swallowed hard. Tears flowed down as she closed her eyes to collect herself.
"Can we stop talking about this? I don't know what other hurtful words I will say to you if we continue on." She grabbed his arm and stepped forward, pulling close the distance between them.
"I promised that I'll go when I'm ready. But for now, just let me live like how it is." Her voice cracked and she looked into his eyes, silently pleading and hoping for him to understand.
His eyes darted around her face. "I just don't want to see you dwelling on the past. The unpleasant things." He said softly.
He took her hand and pulled her into him, cradling her head in his chest. He rested his cheek against the top of her head, and gently stroked her back. She gripped his shirt and her gasping cries muffled against his chest. "I'm sorry. I love you." She mumbled.
He kissed the top of her head and tightened his grasp.
"I love you, yeobo." He whispered.
