Just Okay

How to Become the Better Person

I grew out of whatever phase I was in. I realized that many playing people wasn't the best idea since I started to lose the fun in that too. I went through people like they were songs in an album, some I would play till the end and never play again but others I would play a little longer just to enjoy it more.

I had decided that dating, then, just wasn't right for me so I tried to focus on something else. I started rejecting people who would ask for a hookup or an exchange of whatever. I started focusing on one person only, my best friend. I was so broken inside when Andrea left me that I had to get it together and I had to know what my next move was.

I thought, maybe it wasn't too late to just be good. I wanted to stop hating myself and I wanted to stop being this one huge pile of a mess. I was willing to change and that was the biggest decision I had ever made.

I thought that if I was going to start anywhere it would be by wanting to change myself and my ways. It was the only way I could fix my problems for the better, help me grow as a person and become that person I want to be.

I also thought that since I wasn't that confident with myself I would try and be as confident as I could. Every day for a total of six months I would stand in front of a mirror and compliment myself for five minutes. Sometimes he would join me and we'd start the day by laughing and complimenting each other. We complemented not only our physical appearance but also something we just accomplished or something we succeeded in. We started the days this way because we found that emotions can be contagious so if we were happy and confident in ourselves, so might the people around us be.

He was supporting my change with all his heart, he was there the whole way I was trying to change myself to be the person I wanted to be. He was there to support me and he would often join in too.

The thing we tried next was lessen the use of excuses. We had no idea how hard that would be when you're used to making excuses for everything. Like if one of us said 'go out and get some food' the other would say 'but we can get food later' or 'we have left over' or something just stating the fact that none of us wants to go out and get food. We would even make excuses not to shower saying we were busy or one more episode of a show which lead to five more which would lead to the whole season. Excuses became a vicious cycle for me and my best friend so we tried our hardest to use it minimally.

I started accepting the fact that I had to do things and I made a routine on exercising and on buying food. I stopped making excuses about my unhappiness and started finding ways to make myself happy. We found ways to reduce the amount of excuses we had about being unsuccessful and we just tried our hardest to fix it.

It was much much harder than we thought it would be but being there for each other really gave a boost on our changing. We kept supporting each other and kept pushing each other to get to where we needed to. I needed the most push because I was more of a mess than him.

We also learnt that anger was never the answer towards anything because if it was, the world would be a better place just by people getting angry at each other. I learnt to take a deep breath every time I thought I was going to get mad, I thought of how much worse it could have been and I thought about the ways it is not such a big deal. He had a bit of trouble with letting anger go. He wasn't the kind of person that would show his anger but when he was mad he would be mad for quite some time, that was the thing about him. He wasn't really known for yelling at anyone when he got mad, he was more known for holding a grudge on something someone did a while back. I taught him my way of letting it go, I made him write everything that made him mad and then I'd ask him to burn that piece of paper.

It helped him a lot because he seemed to be more relaxed after he watched the fire consume his anger. I also taught him to manage his thoughts, to always think that there is a way to fix something even when he thinks it cannot be fixed in any way. We often meditated too, once a week we would just lay in bed and meditate. Focusing on our calm breathing, emptying our mind and feeling our soul. I could feel myself becoming a better person already.