Hidden Secrets

Chapter 4

"Did you know that Blake is back?" I ask barging in Josh's kitchen

"Beth" Josh starts to says with a guilty look

"You did" I scoff

"Yes but he wasn't supposed to come until next week. He showed up last night on my porch" Josh says "How do you know he's back?"

"Because he came into Boulevard today. I had to serve him and his fiance" I say

"So you met Olivia too?" Josh says

"Yeah I did!" I groan "He's getting engaged and she has no idea he has a daughter"

"Well on their defense neither does he" Josh shrugs

"That doesn't help!" I say facepalming myself

"I'm sorry but you need to tell him. It's been three years since you've got pregnant. And two since you've had his daughter. He's missed so much of her life" Josh says crossing his arms

"I know Josh!" I yell "I just can't! He's happy, he has a fiance for crying out loud"

"And maybe her wouldn't if he knew!" Josh yells back

"I don't want him to be with me just because we have a child together. I will tell him, I'm just not ready to" I sigh

"Just promise me you'll tell him while he's here." Josh sighs

"Just give me until the wedding. If I don't tell him by you go on your honeymoon you are more than welcomed to tell him yourself" I say "I need to go get Emma from mom's house"

"Ok. Marie called earlier, she's having a barbeque tomorrow around two. She told me to tell you. She invited everyone"Josh says

"Tomorrow at two. Ok" I smile before leaving

I get in my car and pull out of my parking spot. I drive about ten minutes to my mom's house. I park in the driveway and walk inside. I hear the TV playing so I go in the direction of the living room. When I walk in I see Emma asleep with a plate of cookies and milk in front of her.

I slowly and quietly back out and go upstairs to my mom's room. On my way, I pass my old room and Liam's nursery. I make a detour and walk in. This room used to be so scary for me and now it's comforting. We haven't sold anything, gave anything away, and we never changed it. It's been the same for three years now and it's never going to change. It's kind of like our own personal shrine to him. When I got pregnant with Emma I spent a lot of time in here. I would rub my swollen stomach and talk to her about how her brother was in my womb. I told her that he kicked so much that I could tell her would play some kind of sport that dealt with running or kicking.

I smile as I touch the picture I added a few weeks before I went into labour with Emma. The picture I took of Liam in the hospital when I got to hold him. I always sat in the rocking chair whenever I had a hard day and stare at the picture or hold the teddy bear Blake bought him.

Even when Emma was born I would bring her in here with me and tell her that she had a big brother and if he was here, they would probably be just like Josh and I. When we were babies we shared everything. Then when we started growing up we eventually got separate things.

I know Emma was just a newborn and that she doesn't remember anything I told her. And I know when she gets older she's going to ask why there's a room with boy stuff. And I'm going to tell her about Liam. And hopefully she'll know that Blake is her father by then.

I wipe the tear that slips from my eye and walk back out, closing the door softly. I walk down the hall and knock on my mom's door. I push it open and see her working at her desk.

"I thought I told you no cookies" I say with my arms crossed

"I'm sorry honey but she just gives me these adorable puppy eyes and I'm wrapped around her finger" She sighs

"Was she good?" I ask

"Honey, she's two" She laughs "She has her good days and her bad days"

"I know that but this morning she was kirking out" I sigh

"She was fine" She smiles "Did Marie tell you about the barbeque?"

"Josh told me" I say pulling up a chair "Blake's back"

"He is?" She asks

"For the wedding. He brought his fiance too" I sigh looking down "This is definitely not how I imagined seeing him again"

"I know" She says hugging me "Are you going to tell him about Emma?"

"Do I have to?" I groan

"No" She says "But it's the right thing to do. And you know that"

"I do but I'm scared" I say "I've done so well with her so far and if and when I tell him part of me thinks that he sees that I was doing fine before he showed up and I'll do just fine without him"

"So you're afraid once he finds out about her, he won't want to be a father to her?"She asks

"Exactly. I know he's not that guy or at least wasn't three years ago. So much can change in three years. Just look at me, I've had a miscarriage and got knocked up again on accident a few months after that, and now I have a two year old daughter" I smile "Besides he's happy with Olivia"

"Olivia?" She asks

"His fiance. They came in the diner today and I had to serve them" I laugh "She's actually really nice. It kind of makes it hard for me to hate her"

"You don't even know her" Mom says chuckling

"Exactly. I hate her because she's with him and I know I say I'm fine without him and I am but there's still that part of me that loves him and misses him" I say as a tear falls down

Mom wipes the tears away and hugs me closer to her. She lets me cry on her for as long as I need. Ever since I've had Emma me and her have grown really close. I really appreciate moments like this. When no one else exists and it's just me, her, and our talks.

"Mommy?" I small voice asks

I sniff and turn around and smile at Emma. Besides, even if Blake doesn't want to be a part of her life, how could I be mad at him when he gave me the best thing that's ever happened to me?

"Yes princess?"I smile

"Hii" She squeals and runs to me

I pick her up and she hugs me.

"I miss you" She says

I laugh and kiss her cheek and sit her on my lap. I love the way she says things. She can't talk a lot but she can still say small phrases. I comb my fingers through her hair to detangle the knots. I look at my phone and see it's almost 9 so I stand up while holding Emma on my hip.

"It's getting late, we're going to home" I say to mom "I'll see you tomorrow"

I kiss her cheek and hug her before telling Emma to give her a hug and tell her thank you. I walk down the hall and down to the kitchen. I grab her bag and make sure everything is there before grabbing my purse and leaving the house. Again I buckle Emma in her car seat and drive home. We stop in the lobby and check for any mail. Then we go up to the apartment. I give Emma a bath and make her sit on the potty for five minutes and then put a fresh pamper on her. Since she didn't go pee or poop I just take her into her room and put some pjs on her.

"Want to sleep with mommy tonight?" I ask her

"Yes!" She squeals

I carry her in my room and get changed into a sports bra and some spandex shorts. I turn my TV on and put on paw patrol. I turn out the lights and lift Emma up on my bed. I set up a barrier with pillows so she doesn't fall, then I get in bed next to her. I cover us both up, and I watch as she falls asleep. When I know for sure she's asleep I turn the TV off and I close my eyes holding my baby girl.

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Author's note:

What do you guys think so far? I know these updates are fast and you guys like them but it is a weekend and I've had a lot of time to write but when the week starts back up I won't be writing a much but I promise at least one or two updates a week.