Euthanasia (Kellic)

4: The Rain

It's Raining, It's Pouring, The Old Man Is Snoring, He Went To Bed And Spilt His Neck And Was Just A Corpse In The Morning

The rain soaked through my clothing and straight through my skin, dripping through my veins like blood and creating cold and damp spaces for the unearthly to inhabit. Little did it know, I already had far enough of the dark and deadly inside me for it to even fathom competing, but try it did, because unlike me, this forsaken world still had hope. Everyone was so naive; why couldn't they see that? Vic was the naivest of them all: he still believed in me and dear god, I hated him for it; not that I'd be willing to put up with his stupid title and preachy ways otherwise. I despised those of authority, or well more broadly I found myself despising everyone.

I was already late by at least half an hour, but I still ploughed through the rain, mud and god knows what else at a relatively slow pace. No one would notice that the weird kid who sat in the back was gone from registration, no one would notice the empty seat, and maybe someone would and think: 'Thank god that loser's gone.' Maybe they'd through a party in my honour of never returning. Then I'd just have to disappoint them all by pushing my drenched figure in through the classroom door and pick a different, much more uncomfortable seat next some knob head who probably had fleas or worse. That's why Vic Fuentes was wrong: my death would do everyone a great favour.

Maybe I should just turn back now.

Why not?

And as soon as the thought crossed my mind, I spun on my heels and cautiously made my way back down the slippery mess of a hill. There was no problem in skiving if no one would notice you were gone and there'd be no point in missing a day of learning things you'd be dead before you could ever consider needing. I was doing everyone a favour here.

As I skidded across the pavement I had to fall into someone, didn't I? And of course it had to be someone I couldn't just ignore, it had to be someone that knew me, someone I hated - it had to be Vic Fuentes.

"Kellin!" He caught me in his stupid fucking arms. I tried to break out of them, but so gave up, realising just quite how strong his grip could be. "What the hell are you doing? Are you alright? What's going on?" he fired countless questions in my direction, the words just fuzzing as they entered my head, my brain only able to focus on one simple thought - I hate Vic Fuentes.

"Kellin?" That stupid voice called out again and then I felt him pinning me against the wall, "talk to me for god's sake!"

"Hello." I snapped back sarcastically.

Vic's face contorted into an expression I couldn't quite read. After a few moments of confusing silent he finally parted his lips and said something to me. I wasn't quite sure whether to be annoyed or reassured. "Hello." His tone was quiet, almost scared, and no more than a hushed whisper.

"Vic are you alright?" It came out like a reflex; I didn't think, I just said it. Why did I even care? It's Vic Fuentes, I hated the guy for Christ's sake. I think he was almost as shocked as I was and it took him a few moments to form a comprehendible response, it was a poor one, but it at least made the slightest degree of sense in somebody's mind.

"What? Why are you asking me?" I didn't really know how to respond to that. Well I did, the response was quite clear in my head, but I didn't want to say it, I didn't want to say those three stupid words, three words that could change everything.

Because I care.

But I didn't care, did I? My brain certainly thought so, despite every other atom in my body telling me otherwise.

I eventually opted for three different words, "because it's polite."

He nodded solemnly. I swear he looked disappointed and I felt a pang of guilt in my chest- no I didn't. It was just my stomach growling at me; I hadn't eaten for over a day now, it wasn't on purpose, I had simply forgotten. That was the stage I was at now. If Vic knew about my blind eye to necessary body functions he'd probably take me in and nurture me as his own child.

"How are you, Kellin?" I opened my mouth to toss out a meaningless template response that worked on most people, but Vic stopped me, he had this knack of knowing when I was going to lie and that was one of the main reasons that my hate of the boy had grown so furiously. "Don't give my bullshit. Tell me truthfully. How are you? Do you want to... y'know..." He made a rather obnoxious and somewhat offensive gesture I found great difficulty in not catching him up on.

"Uhm..." I sighed wondering how I was going to play this. He wanted the truth and I considered giving it to him in the sole hope that it would shut his ignorant little mouth up. "I feel dead inside." It was close enough to the truth. He let out a disappointed sigh that made me glad I hadn't told him the whole story.

"Kellin, this isn't good, you know?" Well no shit Sherlock, I thought wanting to hang myself was just a normal everyday thing, thanks for informing me!

"Mmm." Was my only response.

"Kellin do you even care anymore?" He was quite angry now and for what cause I had no clue. Hadn't his stupid brain managed to wrap around the fact that I was a lost hope, a dead case file; there was no amount of sticky tape that could mend these broken shards - I was well and truly fucked up and the majority of it was at my own hands, which made it all the more delightful.

"Not really."

"Kellin-" He sighed, lowering his tone, "I'm sorry, but you really don't understand how important you are; people will miss you Kellin, people care about you. You can't do this to yourself."

"Who?" Was my immediate response. "Who the fuck cares about me?"

"Your family-" I snorted at the mention of them and thankfully, for once, Vic didn't press the matter; I wish he could get into the habit of that. "Your friends."

"I don't have friends."

He waited a moment. "You have me."

The rain fell down on against our faces, sticking our clothes against our backs and the thought of returning to school long gone. I think maybe the rain was drugged or something, because then I did something stupid.

I smiled at him.