Euthanasia (Kellic)

29: The Losing

Ask Me Why And I'll Die And If You Must Go To Work Tomorrow Well If I Were You I Wouldn't Bother For There Are Brighter Sides To Life And I Should Know Because I've Seen Them

"Kellin?" Vic almost appeared startled as I appeared in his office, the door clicking back into place behind me. I guessed he wasn't all that expectant, let alone thrilled to see me at all. I couldn't at all blame him though as I didn't really imagine I'd be the best of company.

"Hey." My face broke out into an awkwardly forced smile as I met his gaze. Honestly, I wondered why the hell I even bothered faking my happiness - this was Vic Fuentes, and if anyone knew just how fucked up I was, it was him.

"Are you okay?" That was of course the first question he leapt into and little did he know just how meaningless it was to me by now; those words had been thrown around without purpose far too many times by now, but that wasn't to be blamed upon him or anyone - that was just how humans worked after all.

"Are you ever going to stop asking me that?" I avoided his question with another, because if I didn't have to answer his question then I didn't have to disappoint him. I think things were better that way, because what Vic didn't know couldn't really hurt him.

"No." He smirked at me, dropping the paperwork he'd been busying himself with in favour of pathetic, worthless, little me. I bet he thought this was all funny; something he could amuse himself with on the side to the important part of his life - the volunteer work that'd give him extra credit for university or something. But I wasn't like that at all.

"Not ever, I don't think." He added, still sunk far too deep into his self-belief.

"Then there's your answer." I countered him with - he didn't seem to share my smirk at all, and all I knew was that he definitely had reason to be jealous. Smirking like you were already beyond the reaches of sanity was truly a talent to envy and despite, because despite its melancholy characteristics it was the only thing I was good for, and that was of course something to hold onto with all I have.

"Kellin-" He began to speak as I began to wonder just what the hell was going through his mind that would allow him to think that anything like this was at all anywhere within the reaches of cause not lost.

"Don't worry - it's okay, but I'm not." I reassured him; half-heartedly, but it was a form of reassurance nonetheless. I think he liked reassurance more than actual emotional progress and development; he'd much rather hear perfectly spun lies than see just a little bit of genuine progress. It didn't make all that much sense, but I wasn't going to question it if it kept that mouth of his shut.

"I'm not okay if you're not." He let what was quite possibly the most idiotic combination of words slip his lips. Thankfully those words were also lies, because despite his claims, Vic was always free from me in whatever way he saw fit, because Vic was going somewhere in life; somewhere important, somewhere big.

Whereas it was quite clear that the only place I was going was six feet under and whatever the hell I dreaded to think would come after that, especially with Mike's condition; I didn't want to be like that - I just wanted to die, fuck man, how hard was that?

"Well then perhaps you really should reconsider just how you're wasting your life." I suggested, my words perhaps coming out harsher than I would have planned, but perhaps I didn't give all that much of a damn. It was apparent that Vic wasn't quite as appreciative of my suggestion as I would have liked, and it was certainly rather apparent that Vic did give a damn.

At least one of us did.

That give us half a damn each.

If Vic cared to share his compassion.