Euthanasia (Kellic)

11: The Words

You Know I've Always Been Resenting, Resenting Every Word You've Ever Said. I Load My Words With Care And Aim Them At The Desperate.

Vic hadn't been joking about the ice cream. I kind of wished he was, but I hadn't eaten all day, so maybe this idea was kind of in my best interest, but really, as when it comes to most things involving Vic right now, I'm just not quite sure as to how the hell everything is happening.

He was acting like a small child and I couldn't deny that it was a little cute, but of course there was the painfully annoying factor that generally came with everything Vic said or did. Vic was just weird, and well himself. It was a confusing matter, but one I didn't particularly want to spend hours pondering over, but apparently, my mind had other ideas.

He'd insisted upon buying me ice cream and we were now sat on a wall on the outskirts of the woods, and I was trying my best to enjoy it. I really didn't want the ice cream, but I really didn't want to upset Vic, or go back to school for that matter. In fact, I think I'd rather spend the rest of my week with Vic as opposed to in stupid stuffy classrooms filled dickheads and teachers born without the capacity to teach. And that really was saying a lot, considering my brewing and vaguely supressed mild hatred for Vic.

"Kellin," Vic stopped eating his ice cream for what seemed to be the first time since he bought the thing. Seriously, it was like his tongue had been genetically bonded with it, and of course that came with quite possibly the weirdest mental image, but I wouldn't ponder upon that for very long. "Do you think I did the right thing?"

His question was awfully vague, but I knew where he was going here. He was addressing the only thing that could possibly be on either of our minds. "About dumping Jenny?" He nodded, pausing his ice cream devouring momentarily, and I really did wonder if discussing Jenny was really work pausing ice cream munching for, even as a non-ice-cream lover "I don't know, man. It was your call."

I did, in fact, have rather strong opinions regarding Vic's ex-girlfriend, but I assumed he didn't exactly want to her them, as I didn't exactly do a very good job of painting her in the best light. However, you can't exactly blame me, as the aforementioned is actually very hard, borderline impossible to accomplish, considering Jenny's general bitchy demeanour.

Vic shrugged, his eyes drifting to the floor. "What if I didn't mean it? How would I even go about asking her back? Like fuck, that's douchebaggery to the extreme- can you even do that without getting slapped across the cheek?" I laughed on the outside, but on the inside, I was dying. I was a corpse shrivelling up under heat, my organs bursting through my flesh, and my blood oozing out of everywhere it could. Vic couldn't get back with Jenny. I just wouldn't stand for it. I think there was something else important here that I just couldn't quite see, but regardless of that, all that mattered was that I'd never have to see that little bitch's ugly, powdered covered face ever again.

"Are you planning on taking her back?" My voice came out harsher than I expected - fuck. I couldn't let Vic know that I was secretly rooting for him to murder Jenny; I doubt he'd take that well at all. "Do you regret it?" Would I regret it, if I was Vic? Now surely that'd be an awfully odd situation. Imagine if Vic and I traded places, wouldn't that be odd? Maybe I'd just understand where he's coming from half of the time, but I dreaded to let him into my life - no one should have to have my life; I was the exception to this, being born with it just gives me rights. Vic didn't have to see the nights when everything was red, and the nights when I drowned in my own tears, Vic just didn't, and shouldn't have to ever know anything of the sort. We couldn't swap, and we'd never swap.

"I don't know." Vic finished his ice cream and looked at me with his big brown eyes; whirlpools of melted chocolate enticing me and dragging me to the depths of the ocean. How could he not know? It was pretty simple- fuck, I just don't even know, surely he just, fuck. I'm not exactly an expert on this matter, so I don't see why I'm entitled to have such strong and apparently important opinions upon it. I'm just Kellin; I'm just a depressed kid.