Euthanasia (Kellic)

25: The Truth

Pulled Away By The Tide And Lost At Sea All Your Senses Soaking, So Heavy That You Can't Breathe

"Kellin-" He was the one to cut off his own words, his lips hanging loosely in mind air as he stumbled to meet my gaze - something I just wouldn't let him do, knowing I was already screwed enough and that I really didn't need to go and throw someone as horrifically influential as Vic Fuentes into the mix.

I hated the fact that Vic could even be referred to as 'influential', because in all honesty, I simply wanted nothing to do with the arsehole, who had somehow now come into a terrible position of importance within my life, but trust me, I never intended to fall in love with him at all.

I guess it was just one of those unfortunate circumstances that kind of fell up you, leaving you to deal with the mess alone; I was far too familiar with situations like those.

"What?" I snapped at him, stepping back and pushing my hair away from my eyes, coming to a silent conclusion that in fact sleeping it off did not just make everything better in the morning. Your eight hours wasn't some sort of magically reset button - it was just a forget button, but a temporary one at that.

After all, a permanent reset sounded all far too good to be true, as it was of course. The only permanent reset life could offer you was with the barrel of a gun pressed against your temple, and a finger just a little too trigger happy.

Maybe it was the fact that sleeping was entirely accidental and that Vic had just managed to get too comfy on my sofa, leaving the two of us to drift off into dreamland, sleeping for approximately five hours, in which Vic didn't go to the meeting he had to make at school and thankfully my mother didn't come home, because that would seriously be a questionable sight for her to walk in on.

"The thing is, I feel like you're not even fucking trying." His eyes travelled down towards my arm to further accentuate his point, despite the fact it had already rather firmly locked itself into place in my head.

Vic had woken up and see the mess on my arm again, the grogginess of sleep perhaps having him view in a different and unspoken yet undoubtedly more truthful light. He hadn't been happy, and that made two of us, except the source of our discontent resided in two different things entirely.

And of course, Vic's content was temporary and could be easily fixed - mine wasn't quite like that at all. I think maybe I'd even gotten used to my discontent by now, but of course it's vital to remember that content and acceptance are two vastly different things.

"What do you mean?" I spat in response, shooting the strongest glare I could muster right in his direction. It was, without a doubt, a childish gesture, but I really couldn't care at all, besides, this whole situation was downright childish so it fit the bill perfectly.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" I pushed my words out into his unamused silence: he knew I knew, and quite frankly he just didn't want to admit anything. Cowardice was something the two of us could share at the very least, even if it was a trait I put all my heart into despising.

I very much knew as to what was going on up in that head of his. In fact, I probably knew an awful lot more than I would have liked to. I just wanted to hear him say it - to watch as the words left his mouth, as he inflicted emotional pain upon me.

I wondered if he'd have the guts to do that, and the sadistic part of me would even like to see him try. Who knows, maybe it'd feel fucking great to have him put me down - to have him hurt me; to know that this self hatred wasn't a symptom of insanity but in fact the truth, and that all along, everyone had been lying to me and really I was very much right.

"You know, Kellin." He let out a deep sigh, his gaze drifting towards as his cheeks flushed a terribly vibrant shade of red which I reckoned he really didn't deserve. "You know what I'm talking about."