Euthanasia (Kellic)

28: The Insanity

I Saw Your Ghost Tonight The Moment Felt So Real If Your Eyes Stay Right On Mine My Wounds Would Start To Heal

Mike was something that just wouldn't leave my head. No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't rid my thoughts of the ever-growing enigma who was now as I had far too recently learned to be the second Fuentes brother.

I didn't want it to make sense, and in fact I just didn't want it to be real, but when I really looked at all the evidence laid out for me, it was really just pointing nowhere but the truth. Everything just fit together; all of Mike's nonsensical ramblings pieced together into one mess of matter that resembled his lifeless state.

Everything told me that he was a ghost, but of course, ghosts weren't real, well not really, and if they were, they certainly weren't quite so human like as Mike. I'd believed him to be human ever since I'd met him; he wasn't at all faded or pale or even not quite there - he was very much human and very much real, well his body away.

His head, on the other hand just didn't make sense. His brain contained the scattered, mismatched and transparent particles, not his body, but that didn't seem to be plausible, in fact none of this seemed to be at all plausible, and honestly it was making my head spin just from thinking about it for so long, but I just couldn't not think about it. It was important now, relevant, and I was easily letting my curiosity get the better of me.

The fact hat held me back the most was my skepticality towards the existence of ghosts, like man, we just die - that's the fucking point, to fucking die. I don't want to come back and roam around a cliff top driving people I know just a little too well into states of near insanity - I want to be dead, I want to be gone, I don't want to have to deal with this mess of humanity ever again.

But ghosts don't exist of course, perhaps Mike's just hiding, perhaps, he isn't dead at all, perhaps there is an obvious explanation which I'm just far too ignorant to see. Perhaps, maybe.

But by now not even rationality is going to fix this mess that's clouded my mind; I think I'm going insane with the insanity surrounding me, because none of this makes sense not at all.

I think maybe I should tell Vic about Mike, but I very much doubt he'll believe me or take a single word I say seriously, and I can't just go up to Mike and ask him what the fuck's going on, because he's Mike - he'll give me some cryptic bullshit, that's for sure. I just want the fucking truth for once... how fucking hard is that?

I just don't know what to do with this at all, but I can't just keep it in, because if I do, I'm pretty sure I might just explode with the rampant thoughts marching through my mind. And this mess is what leaves me in the bathroom at school, my eyes fixed on my reflection, and my fingers curled tightly around something cold, metal, yet not so familiar. I had to make do in the temporary.

And just as I'm about to start, about to create the first, the thick almost, gassy silence is penetrated by the echo of footsteps and then the sound of a door first opening and then after a few seconds slamming shut again as the footsteps grow louder - nearer.

"Kellin?" Maia has the right to be concerned, considering what I'm holding between my fingers and the obvious elephant in the room regarding just what I'm about to do, but that doesn't at all settle the sickening feeling that her tone strikes within me.

"Hello..." I released all the air from my lungs, clutching the sinks far too tightly in a mediocre effort to stable my struggling form. I didn't exactly know why I even bothered to answer her in the first place, but it was like Vic all over again - I just couldn't stop myself, no matter how hard I tried, I guess my mind just had other ideas.