Euthanasia (Kellic)

19: The Thing

Stay For As Long As You Have Time So The Mess That We'll Become Leaves Something To Talk About

My arms are awfully white, and even surprisingly voluntarily so. And as much as I hate to admit, I'm not sure I miss the red that much. The red is a part of me, without a doubt, but Vic Fuentes and that one kiss seems to have entirely filled the hole the red left.

My friends are still there though; in the back of my closet, in the back of my mind. They're always there and I know for a fact that they're not going away, but Vic doesn't have to know that, because Vic doesn't have to know everything. With the letters, he knows far too much already, even if this did somehow end up turning out to my advantage, as strange as it is.

I'm not sure if I'm even entirely okay with this... Vic Fuentes and I... I mean I've most definitely thought about it, but... as hypocritical as this sounds, I'm not sure if I entirely want this in real life. But I'm not going to give it up, because it's my lifeline and I've found myself in the horrible situation where I'm left to say that Vic Fuentes is what's keeping me alive. The thought of it even makes me want to disperse my internal organs in a million different directions.

"Kellin!" Suddenly, I was pulled out of the stream of students in the hallways, Maia's grip firmly on mine as she dragged me right into the bathroom.

"Tell me what the fuck is going on?" She looked me up and down as I stood in front of the sinks. I felt under scrutiny, as if I'd somehow managed to fuck things up for her without knowing it, and in that case, whatever I'd done, I felt incredibly guilty for it.

"What?" Did she know? How did she know? Could she possibly know? Had Vic told her? He wouldn't have - he doesn't even like Maia- fuck, my head hurts. Everything hurts and nothing hurts just quite enough. I need to make it hurt.

"Tell me why Vic Fuentes is looking quite so smug, especially when he's got to do a lower school assembly today." I blinked at her, wondering whether to approach the subject at an angle or just to word vomit my entire thought process at her and hope for the best.

She was just taking a shot in the dark here, so I could simply dismiss her words as nothingness as move the subject matter onwards, but Maia had this awfully habit of just knowing when I was lying.

"Don't give me that look, Kellin." I distorted my face into a different expression entirely in a piss poor effort to dismiss her words - she looked utterly unamused by my attempt, which all in all, was just a little disheartening. "Vic Fuentes could never look so smug when it's not involving you."

"I-I-I..." fuck, Kellin you need to breathe. Breathing shouldn't be this difficult at all, but things do get hella warped out of perspective when they just slightly involve Vic Fuentes. "I'm not even sure on the details, but we definitely kissed... that's for certain." I pushed my words out with force and a gaze that didn't meet Maia's, unsure as to how the hell she could possibly react to the news I'd just given her.

"Fuck?" She exclaimed, placing her bag down and getting comfortable between the sinks as if I was about to begin a four day long epic tale, and not some two second bullshit spiel to keep her happy. "What have not been telling me? How and when did this even happen?"

I blushed a stupid shade of red. "Yesterday." I avoided the term 'last night', because that implied something different entirely, especially in a mind like Maia's.

"I told you, Kellin." She smirked at me, far too damn happy to been proven right and I found myself wondering just why guys just weren't supposed to hit girls when girls could hit them twice as hard. "Are you two a 'thing' yet?"

A thing.

"There was little conversation after the kissing." I admitted, my mind travelling back to that office at a time far too late to ever be in school, or at least for any sane person - anyone who doesn't accidentally end up dropping their suicide notes for their fucking crush to pick up and read them, including the one about himself.