Euthanasia (Kellic)

41: The Serious

Broken Heads In Hospital Beds, Saving Ends And Pulling Your Friends While You're Chasing The First Line, We Made It Though

Nervous was an understatement right now.

And this was from my perspective - who knew what on earth could be going through Vic's head right now?

I'd even wanted to back out of this - telling him that it was simply a stupid, and almost ludicrous idea, but being Vic Fuentes, he wasn't having any of that, and of course that probably spurred him on through with further determination, because this was Vic Fuentes, and stubbornness came along like an annoying perk of a telephone contract that never quite sounded as good as did on the tin, and did you more irritancy than good.

"Are you nervous?" I asked him what was nothing other than a stupid question, my words echoing throughout the emptiness of my living room - Vic and I sat at an almost awkward distance apart on the sofa, the two of us waiting in a bone breaking silence for my mother to return home, with the stupid, fucking stupid, intention of telling her about us.

It was most definitely Vic's idea, and although somewhat morally unacceptable, I was more than prepared to let him take the blame for it. 

I doubted there would be that much blame though, because by now, I think my mum could handle just about anything, I mean she had found out I was suicidal just after I'd tried to kill myself, so I guess she could be nothing but thankful for us telling her anything in advance, because otherwise, without Vic's stubbornness and with my secrecy, the two of us would have ended up telling her that I was gay and we were together like the day we got married.

I thought about that for a moment - marrying Vic. It was a weird thought, and an even weirder one was the unforgettable and somewhat crushing fact that relationships always accounted to either break ups or marriage, and the thing was that I could particularly see either of those two outcomes with Vic, and perhaps I was okay with that - okay and content in the general void of peaceful 'I love you's and casual kisses behind closed doors.

I guess telling my mum, though, that was something serious, and I wondered just how 'serious' we were. We hadn't been 'officially' together all that long, but there'd been acknowledged feelings for quite a while and secretive ones far longer, and I flickered my mind back to when Vic was out dating girls and laughed aloud at how in love with him I'd been. Surely, it'd been supressed, but from the way I was with the situation, it was most definitely there.

"I'm nervous, yeah, but I think it's less of the dread kind of nervous, and more of the 'excited' kind of nervous, and really that's a weird kind of nervous, and I'm just nervous, and now I've said nervous far too many times, and nervous barely sounds like a real world anymore. Nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous! See, it looses all meaning like that... isn't that weird? I think it's like when you listen to your favourite song over and over until you don't like it anymore-"

"Vic, you're rambling." I let a chuckle surpass my lips as I silenced his madman esque ramblings; nervousness in its most guiltily hidden form. "And I can guess from that, that yes, you are nervous."

He rolled his eyes at that, almost ignorant in the matter of believing the truth, which surely was nothing but stupidity at its finest. "You can't blame me. This is important. This is serious."

Serious.

And there came that word again, stricken like the bell of a clock tower and ringing through my head at an almost deafening volume. 

Serious.

Perhaps he had just confirmed it. We were serious. And I didn’t know how to feel about that, not at all. It was just an awfully alien concept - I'd never been serious about anything besides my own destruction, and to me, that was just the sort of thing that came naturally, as sickening as that may sound.