Euthanasia (Kellic)

43: The End

To The Last Parade, When The Parties Fade, And The Choice You Made To The End.

I muttered 'I love you's like they were nothing, but of course, they meant so much, and he just smiled, whispering them back as our fingers intertwined in the empty house, with the balcony doors right open as he tried his best to talk me out to re-enacting the scene from titanic, he said for health and safety reasons, but I reckoned he really just didn't want to be the girl.

"Vic, don't you think this is all kind of surreal?" My words were barely posed as a question, but as no one else was even in the vicinity of the household, the duty of answering was left to my slightly confused, but in no way bemused, boyfriend.

"Huh?" He continued, the pitch of his voice shifting a little as he spoke with concern, well, not so much concern, but confusion, definitely, but I reckoned just this once it was okay to be confused, because this was waiting for enlightenment kind of confusion.

This was confusion with an end, and everything had to end.

"Us." I answered his question, eventually, unsure as to just how much time I'd wasted away lost in my own head, but he felt no need to comment upon the silence so I settled upon the conclusion that perhaps it had been very little time at all.

"What are you saying by that?" He asked, sitting closer to me and moving one arm around my shoulders in that cheesy ass first date kind of manoeuvre which I couldn't help but groan and roll my eyes at. "Shut up, you like cheesy, I know that."

Okay, perhaps he was right, or perhaps he wasn't, but perhaps right now I cared more about who we were and how we felt about ourselves and one another than where we were and what we were doing, because eventually, you do have to decide what's important to you, and you really do have to figure it out for yourself.

I know that now.

And perhaps I wish I had before, but I reckon even the experience of figuring that out presented itself as worthwhile.

"Can I kiss you?" The words fell out - a question perhaps unneeded with a response non-verbal, lip to lip, and kind of beautiful as the whole world seemed to melt away around as at the realisation that perhaps nothing else mattered to me quite as much as the smile Vic Fuentes put on my face, and how he did so with just ease.

We kissed for a while, air escaping us, and if there was a too long when it came to kissing, I think we would have kissed for far too long, but I reckoned that there wasn't, so we didn't. 

He smiled at me as we pulled away and I felt like a teenage girl with her middle school crush, and then like slapping myself across the face for even letting such a ridiculous thought cross my mind. In the end, I was just glad Vic couldn't read my thoughts, as I would surely be in trouble by now if he could.

"I really like you, like love you, and that's kind of weird, but it's good weird, and I like kissing you more than I loved pulling myself apart and destroying what little I had left." I told him; my words convoluted and badly planned, but this was something, this emotion was something that a simple 'I love you' said far too much, just couldn't stretch to cover.

He smiled at that, a blush filling his cheeks, and it was kind of adorable, but I didn't comment upon it, choosing out of the kindness of my heart that perhaps today, he didn't deserve the embarrassment.

"I love you too, Kellin. You're everything, you're so special, so perfect, and so, so important. It hurts me that you just don't realise that sometimes." Sincerity ran through his words like blood in his veins and I felt obliged to believe him, but for once that was no such issue, because I reckoned this time we'd made progress, because I reckoned this time I wanted to.