Modest Delusions - Book 3 (Larry Stylinson AU)

Chapter 21 - Take my lies and tear them apart

A/N WARNING! This chapter has triggers for self harm and drug use. If you are dealing with any of these issues, depression etc please don’t read this. I’ve been there, don’t make things harder on yourself. Just inbox me and I will give you a run over of what happens so you don’t have to subject yourself to it. It’s not graphic but it is a trigger. I have a plan, it’s part of a bigger plot that will all come to fruition. Trust me, my best friend and I spend hours fleshing this all out. Sorry for lack of updates I was SERIOUSLY stuck but now the ball is rolling and the chapters will fly by. I am also working two jobs so if it takes a while, i haven't forgotten you (The opposite this story, you guys are all I think about) I am just working and the chapters may be longer to make up for the delay. We'll see. Comment. Vote. SHARE! I'm sorry if you're not happy with this chapter. I have re-written it a zillion times and im just ARGH i need to get past it SO HERE TAKE IT I DONT WANT IT ANYMORE. I love you all so much. Can’t wait for you to see how Liam finds out… I know, I am wicked. I put you all through so much and yet you keep coming back for more. And I love you for it! I TRULY DO. Remember TRIGGERS. If you ever need to talk to someone, inbox me I am always here for you. Nothing and no one is worth hurting yourself for, ever. TRUST ME. -  XO XO SherlockSweetheart

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Take my lies and tear them apart

Harry said nothing when he woke up, in fact he hadn't said a word as they had breakfast. Harry didn't even bat an eyelid when he saw Porter asleep on the couch. He was smart, it didn't take him long to put the pieces together. Niall was hovering around Harry like a nervous wreck, they all were. When he went into the shower he stood beneath the faucet fully clothed as the hot water cascaded down his back. Blood and dirt washed off him rendering the bottom of the shower a murky reminder of the past twenty four hours. He didn't cry, he didn't speak he didn't think of anything he just stared blankly at the brown tiles beneath his squelching Vans.

Niall knocked on the door at seven minute intervals, Harry didn't reply he just closed his eyes and tried to forget. The time was passing by so quickly and as each second ticked, seeing Louis inched closer. The prospect was daunting, it made his knees week. But he knew one thing, he wouldn't let them see him cry. He wouldn't let anyone see him cry again.

The blur of last night swirled in a haze of regret and shame on the corners of his memory. He opened up to Niall, for the first time he really opened up and he hated himself for it. Months, for months he had cleverly built a wall so strong even Niall, his brother couldn't break through. They tried, oh how they tried to reach him. To stick their hands into the darkness that had swallowed him whole and pull him out. But he didn't let them, he always found a way to let go. To fall deeper.

His body ached as he slowly peeled off his torn, bloodstained t-shirt and he groaned beneath the steaming water.

Everything was taunting him, he saw Louis wherever he looked. If he closed his eyes the visions were stronger, the memories more painful. Harry, after thirty minutes finally turned the shower off and he heard the boys let out a sigh of relief. He shaved with a shaking hand and dried his hair, music swiftly pierced through the cracks in the door and surrounded him. Not even music brought him any sign of relief or pleasure, only sadness.

Harry was biding his time, why would he rush the inevitable?

The world would still be waiting for him. Louis would still be there toting his token blonde actress, Liam would still force a smile remaining oblivious to the child he had created, to the lover who had deceived them all. Porter would still be heartbroken, Rachel consumed by grief from her betrayal, the engagement being called off. Niall would be hovering, watching Harry with careful glances. Logan would be sitting waiting patiently at his phone, pretending he didn't care. Even though they all knew the way he felt about Harry was anything but platonic. Zayn would still be waiting on the other side of the door with Niall in toe to bombard him with questions. Questions about last night, about his feelings.