Modest Delusions - Book 3 (Larry Stylinson AU)

Chapter 32 - Lately I've been losing sleep

Chapter Song-list: ‘Soldier On’ - The Temper Trap

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Lately I’ve been losing sleep 

Harry sat with his arms folded and a scowl on his face, the officer opposite him returned nothing but ice cold stares. She tapped her heeled foot impatiently, picked up her coffee off the steel table and as she stared at him, slowly lifted the cup to her lips. There was a grimace behind her pursed lips, behind the styrofoam cup a menacing grimace that told Harry she knew too much, she was pleased. He narrowed his eyes, he had done nothing wrong, they could push him and scream at him until they’ve got nothing left. No matter how far they push, they’ll never get what they want. 

A confession. 

Because he didn’t push her, he never would. She sipped the steaming coffee and stared at him intently. Harry just raised his eyebrows, what the hell was this? He thought as he chewed on the inside of his cheek, some b-grade cop show? If she was trying to intimidate him, well, she wasn’t doing a very good job. After all, he’d faced down Blake and nothing could be worse then having a gun in your face while your friends linger on the precipice, not knowing if anyone was safe. He pushed the thought of Blake away, focusing only on staring down the pretty officer. The memory of Blake pressing the cold steel against Liam’s forehead brought a hefty wave of anxiety. 

Harry hadn’t dealt with everything that happened with Blake, the roof, Dakota… Louis kidnapping. It was, like the breakup with Louis far too painful to face. Something he piled away so deep in his mind he vowed to never face the demons again. But now, hands shaking and heart racing Harry wondered if he should have faced his problems bravely. 

Like Liam, like all of them… face on, together. Now Harry was addicted to drugs, self harm and alcoholism were used as a way of facing reality. It was starting to scare him, a realisation he had only confronted when Logan broke down. Harry took in a deep breath, the cuffs were tight around his wrists and they ached. His whole body ached, he was weary and emotionally exhausted and yet… they continued to hammer him with the same questions time and time again. 

"Harry," she began with a raspy tone, "tell me again what happened when you found Jennifer Barron?" She was irritated, it had been an hour and he had been nothing but difficult.

The moment they yanked him from Louis, his Louis was the moment he stopped complying with the 'law.' In the last hour he had been slapped with a few hefty fines, several charges of resisting arrest, and two counts of assault and battery of an Officer of the law. That wouldn't go down well with the other boys, management or the media but he was hyped on adrenalin, emotions, Ecstasy and Ritalin. Clear, logical thoughts were not in his repertoire, not right now. As they piled towards him Harry turned away from Louis and shoved the few pills in his mouth, he thought he’d swallowed them all but a few strays in his pocket led to a drug possession charge. Harry’s head swam. A few pills here and there was okay, he’d learnt from experience but a few too many and… he could hardly see straight. Harry fought to keep his composure.

His mind was on fire.

He sat still, stone faced and tapped his foot under the table. However, his external appearance didn't match the interior downward spiral of his composure and mental state. On the inside his mind was screaming it felt like every vein in his body was pumping with coffee and psychosis, he was screaming and laughing hysterically internally and his thoughts melted away. Right now he knew he was in big trouble, he knew it... he just couldn't concentrate on the fact long enough for it to have any impact on him. It was a complete disaster and he wanted to reach out, to say maybe he wasn't okay after all but the words slipped off his lips like ice on a hot surface.