Modest Delusions - Book 3 (Larry Stylinson AU)

Chapter 29 - Suicide when I'm not with you

Suicide when I’m not with you 

Louis was watching Harry and Harry was doing everything physically possible not to look up. He may not have been looking but he wanted to, he wanted to meet Louis eyes more then he had ever wanted anything in his life but he wouldn’t give Louis the satisfaction. In fact, after Ava’s little ‘stunt’ Harry wasn’t sure if he could meet Louis eyes with anything other then disdain. He could feel Louis’ presence only steps away, could smell Louis’ cologne and he wanted to take Louis face in his hands and kiss him. Bury himself in an embrace he had been dreaming of for months, an embrace that once came to him more naturally then breathing. He knew Louis body better then he knew his own, he trusted Louis more then he trusted himself… well, he did. Then everything fell apart, Dakota included and now it was such a tangled mess Harry wasn’t sure where to start picking up the pieces. 

Zayn kicked his feet along the shiny floors and they squeaked, he did it over and over again until Louis snapped. “Will you stop?” He hissed. 

Harry felt a small smirk creep upon his lips, but said nothing. 

Zayn just shrugged, “Going for a cigarette,” he hissed and nodded at Niall, “Coming?”

“I’ll come too,” Harry began and Louis sighed. 

Niall stood silently, Harry huffed when he realised he wouldn’t be stuck alone with Louis and then tried to peer through the window into Jennifer’s room. “You think she’s okay?”

“I hope so,” Niall said with a yawn and he sat down on the cold plastic chairs Zayn sighed and slumped beside him with a huff. 

Nurses rushed past, Harry looked up at the time and it was medication rounds, he tried to crack his back. His entire body ached, how long had they been standing for? He looked at Louis shoes, that was the amount he would dare look. Louis Vans were dirty and faded, his burgundy ones and Harry bit the smile back when he realised they were the ones that he brought for Louis. Niall rested his head against the wall and closed his eyes, poor Niall, Harry thought, he had been through so much. They all had and with regret he realised a lot of that was his fault.

“Harry,” Louis broke him from his thoughts. 

In fact Louis didn’t just pull him from his thoughts, no, he yanked Harry from his thoughts so violently by breaking the silence he nearly keeled over. Harry’s heart began to race, he didn’t know what to do he could just pretend to not hear him but, no, that was pathetic he could talk to Louis. Just tell him to fuck off and be done with it, couldn’t he? Harry gulped, Louis was staring at his shoes and then tilted his head to try and get in Harry’s line of sight. 

Harry looked away, Niall and Zayn were watching them two with tired disinterest, this weird back and forth between Louis and Harry had been their only source of entertainment for hours. Harry turned so he had his back to Louis and began whistling, Louis said his name again. And again, the third time he said Harry’s name there was more of a hiss in his voice, irritation. 

Good, Harry thought smugly, piss him off he deserves it. “Harry!” Louis said again. 

Harry turned around now, “Sorry I didn’t hear you.”

Louis rolled his eyes, “Yes you did I-“

“Don’t you have a wedding to plan?” Harry asked dryly as he picked up his feet and just held up a cigarette to Zayn. 

Louis groaned and palmed his face with his hand as he rested his head against the wall and closed his eyes. Niall was shaking his head but Harry just smirked. Let them all hate him, he didn't care. He wasn't going to give Louis any satisfaction. He pulled out his phone and called Logan, he picked up on the third ring.