Modest Delusions - Book 3 (Larry Stylinson AU)

Chapter 25 - Loving you forever, can't be wrong

Loving you forever, can’t be wrong

There is no remedy for the pangs of anxiety that wash over Louis in waves, overwhelming, suffocating. He is staring out the window as they try to figure out where Harry went, his heart is racing. They drive towards the cemetery and Niall finally opens up about what has been happening with Harry. He refused at first, stating it wouldn’t help the situation but when Louis blew up at him he finally agreed and with every word Niall said, Louis cried harder. He was sobbing into his hands as Liam and Zayn sat in silence, the taxi was driving as fast as legal darting through traffic. Louis was grateful that Logan stayed behind with Rachel and Porter. He couldn’t standing the sight of that blonde idiot for another second. 

The vision of Harry kissing Logan was imprinted in his mind, every time he closed his eyes. He saw them. 

It hurt. 

Louis didn’t wallow in the pain of seeing them together, he deserved it. Now he knew how Harry felt when he saw Louis with Ava. Why the fuck did he pretend for so long, why did he lie to himself for so long? Now Ava was caught in the mix of Louis messed up emotions and Niall gently gripped his knee. “It’s not your-“

“Don’t,” Louis hissed as he wiped his face. “It is, we all know it.”

Liam tried to speak but Louis shot him a menacing glare. The drive to the cemetery felt like a millennium, time passed so slowly Louis felt like he was going to be sick. 

They didn’t even know if Harry was at the cemetery, it was a blind guess at this point, a risk they had to take. 

Time was not on their side. 

Louis was out of the car before it had fully come to a stop, he would not breathe, he would not feel relief until he laid eyes on Harry. On his beautiful, brunette mess. The dark mess he had created, he, Ava, management they all played their part in Harry’s demise. He was racing through the gates, the wind was pelting against his cold skin. Leaves swarming around his ankles as he bounded down the pathway. He was surrounded by a sea of tombstones but he didn’t stop, he didn’t think. 

He only ran. 

Louis knew where Dakota was buried, he had visited the grave before he left for America. Somehow Louis thought seeing her name engraved on the stone would give him some comfort. It only brought more regret. The boys were right behind him, none of them daring to speak or speculate the inevitable. 

Louis rounded the corner almost knocking a vase of red roses off the top of a monument, he shook his head and continued. 

If Harry did anything stupid, hurt himself, Louis would die. There was nothing else to it, when he lay eyes on Harry in the overcrowded conference room he realised how he truly felt. Harry was the only one. He would always be the only one Louis could ever truly love. He just hoped it wasn’t to late for Louis to tell him how he truly felt.

Tell him how sorry he was, for everything. 

For every second of agony and despair Harry felt.

Ava was a defence mechanism, if he hid away with her maybe the way he felt about Harry would go away. Louis truly thought he was making the right decision, now he knew better. And he needed to make this right. He had to. 

A large oak tree swayed just beyond the hill and Louis felt a small pang of hope, they were so close. He was gasping for breath as he ran up the hill and then he stopped dead in his tracks. Niall nearly ran straight into him. 

A girl was sitting alone, wearing all black, a wide brimmed black hat and black sunglasses as she stared at a handful of white lilies. She had long brown hair, it tousled around her shoulders and Louis felt sick. She looked up, her face was contorted and Louis could see she was crying. Her hands, he noted as they stepped closer were covered in blood.