Modest Delusions - Book 3 (Larry Stylinson AU)

Chapter 30 - That you could still believe in me again

Chapter Songlist - Learn to Love Again - Lawson Acoustic version. (I listened to it like a psycho on repeat but it is everything in a song YOU NEED TO HEAR IT!)

That you could still believe in me again

Harry walked into the hospital and the bright lights burnt his bloodshot eyes, his mind was fuzzy now as the Ritalin began to work. He regret taking them, what choice did he have? The hospital held a heavy stench of disinfectant and sadness, flowers and sickness and he hated being here. He walked slowly towards the elevator and pressed the button anxiously. Harry wiped his face with the sleeve of his jumper and tried to take a few steady breaths. He ignored the people that passed him in a blur, life was moving quickly but Harry felt suspended. 

He couldn’t wipe the memory of Logan’s face from his mind, the words he said rang true and it was confronting. He hurt more then anything because Logan was right, he felt riddled with guilt. It took Logan nearly having a breakdown for Harry to finally have some clarity. He was hiding in the shadows of his very own darkness and every word Logan uttered was like a slap in the face. Harry felt like he had been splashed with ice cold water, he stared at his new phone wondering if he should call Logan, go after him. The elevator doors opened and he stepped in almost colliding with…

Louis?

He looked astonished and he tried to rush out but Louis grabbed his arm and yanked him in. Harry looked down at the ground, the last thing he wanted was Louis seeing him crying. 

The doors shut and Louis was staring at him as he took a deep breath, “You’re crying.”

Harry said nothing. 

“Harry?” Louis voice was so soft, “Why are you crying?”

Harry closed his eyes, Logan, Louis, Logan, Louis … his head was pounding there were so many conflicting emotions rising like bile from the pit of his stomach. 

Louis took a hesitant step closer and Harry tried to move away but his back pressed up against the elevator walls and he suddenly felt trapped. Maybe he should talk to Louis? No. Louis was from another lifetime, this lifetime Harry was alone and Louis had chosen her.

“Are you crying because…” Louis took a heavy breath, almost preparing himself for what he said next. “Because of me?”

Harry shook his head, “The world doesn’t revolve around you Louis.”

“I know that,” Louis said. 

Harry shoved his phone in his pocket, his hands were shaking uncontrollably. “Logan,” he whispered. 

Louis froze. 

“Logan left,” Harry said emphasising the word ‘left,’ he wanted to get through to Louis but it meant letting down his guard and he was so afraid if he opened up he wouldn’t  be able to stop. If he opened his mouth and finally confessed how he was truly feeling would Louis walk away or would he stay? Ava, what about Ava? The thought shook him and Harry turned away, he pressed his forehead against the cold glass and Louis did something he didn’t expect. 

Louis took a deep breath and slammed his hand on the stop button of the elevator, it lurched to a stop and began to ring loudly in his ears. 

“Louis, what are you-“ Harry spun around with wide eyes as the elevator was now suspended in mid air, now he really was trapped.

“I need to talk to you and if that means I have to trap you in this fucking elevator, then so be it.” Louis said with determination in his voice, Harry closed his tired eyes, turning his back to Louis as he leant against the wall and tried to calm his racing heart. Louis scent lingered in the air, teasing him and he wanted to scream. Louis was so close, for the first time in months there was no one in the world but Louis and Harry.  No one between them, no girls to cause drama no blades for Harry to slice away the misery. Just him and Louis, inches apart with everything to say and no words to say them. His resolve was slipping, he was hurting and his mind racing a million miles an hour. Harry wasn’t sure at this point what was the Ritalin and what was, well, him. Harry spent so long hiding, burying his emotions away and Logan was right. He needed to open up, Logan opened his eyes to the harrowing truth. Harry was marinating in his misery, a madness he had created and now Louis was there… with him. What was he supposed to do?