Helpless

Diagnosis

Ponys POV:

My chest still hurt, but I could breathe a little easier. The air seeping through my nose felt cleaner. I tried to move, to open my eyes, but my limbs felt too heavy.

Where am I? I thought dully. This definitely wasn't the gym. Maybe I'm home. Maybe this is all just part of one of my nightmares, and I'll wake up beside Soda and it'll be all right. Maybe I never started coughing in gym like that. Maybe my lungs never seized...

I tried to open my eyes, but they were heavy and stubborn. I felt a touch of panic snake up from my stomach.

What's wrong with me? I thought. My body didn't normally work this slow. I swallowed, but even this was difficult and painful. I wanted my brothers, or Two-Bit, or ANYONE for that matter...

"Ponyboy?" a voice called. My mind whirled to process this new sound. Someone's hand touched the side of my face. "Come on, can you wake up?"

I want to! I screamed inside. But when I tried to speak I only groaned.

"You're okay," another voice, this one from the other side of me. "You're all right now. Come on, wake up."

I struggled to open my eyes and managed to get them to slits; the light hurt too much to open them all the way. I tried to shield them with my hand, but my right arm ached, as if a bee had stung me.

"Hey, kid," the first voice murmured. Slowly I turned, forced my eyes to look into my brother's worried face. Soda smiled broadly when I blinked at him. "Geeze, Pon, you never stop giving us scares, do you?"

I forced my lips up into a half-grin, but even that took more strength than I had.

"You all right?" the second voice asked. I turned to see Darry, hands thrust in his pockets, on the other side of me. I tried to nod; that was when I realized that there were tubes in my nose.

"Sorry," I managed to wheeze. My voice sounded raspy, and I swallowed again to try to smooth over the dryness of my throat. "I got through 'bout a week...with no screw-ups," I tried to explain when he looked at me funny.

"Hey, this wasn't your fault," Soda snapped, ruffling my hair. "Just take it easy, okay?"

"What's..." I suddenly felt horribly weak and closed my eyes again, "...wrong with me?"

Silence. That scared me; gave me the strength I'd been missing.

"Guys?"

I opened my eyes to see Two-Bit in the doorway. He grinned at me sheepishly. "Hey, Ponyboy."

I tried to smile back, but I was beginning to shake. "Hey, Two-Bit."

He hung nervously in the doorway. "You feelin' better?"

"A little."

"Doc said he'd be by in a few minutes. He's waitin' on some tests."

"Tests?" I asked, turning back to Soda. "Tests for what?"

My brothers exchanged anxious glances. "We ain't really sure," Soda said slowly.

"It's probably nothin', Pony," Darry jumped in. "Just tryin' to figure out what's wrong."

"You mean they don't know?"

"Not yet."

I swallowed again. Why not? Why wouldn't they? There was nothing REALLY wrong with me...right? I was just tired. Just a cold or exhaustion or something simple...right?

Soda stroked my hair. "Pony, don't worry, okay? There's nothin' wrong. Just Doc stuff, all right? 'Member that time I broke my arm and they wanted to test me for STD's 'cause they'd just found out they existed?"

"Soda, you were eight when you broke your arm!" Darry snapped.

"So? Didn't stop them."

I laughed weakly, but instantly decided it was a bad idea; my lungs began burning again. I coughed; a quiet sound that sent stabs of pain through my chest. And made me cough more. I felt fear growing again as I coughed harder and harder, remembering the shock in gym class as I could no longer stand...

"Take it easy, little buddy," Darry murmured, kneeling beside me. Soda kept stroking my hair. But they were scared; and that made me feel worse.

Something shot into the back of my throat; I swallowed it down, feeling nauseous at the thought. But at least the coughing slowed.

"You shouldn't excite him," the doctor said suddenly as he entered. He placed his hand on my chest. He held a stack of papers and a grim look on his face. "You're going to have to watch: no smoking, no running, no wind, and minimum laughter."

"Do you know what's wrong?" Darry asked anxiously. The doctor nodded slowly.

"You're his legal guardian?"

"Yes."

"All right. There are two ways we can go about this. One, I speak to you alone. Two, you all take it together." He glanced at Two-Bit. "Who're you?"

"A friend."

"Family only, right now."

He nodded and slipped away, shutting the door. I was too frightened to protest. I glanced at Soda, who had set his jaw very, very tight. He didn't take his eyes off the doctor, but he did continue to stroke my hair.

Darry glanced at the two of us and spoke for the three of us: "we'll take it together."

The doctor nodded and slipped an X-Ray from a folder. He held it above my bed, letting the light shine through so I could see the transparent photo of my lungs.

But something was wrong.

"Do you see those circles?"

We nodded. I don't think one of us could have found our voices.

"Well, we ran some preliminary tests and found some disturbing numbers. Your body is trying to fight infection. But it can't. Then when I saw the X- Rays I ran the rest of the tests. Understand, we are in the primary stages of diagnoses. This is all new for the medical profession as well. Which is why I was hesitant in letting you know." The doctor sighed and slipped the X-Ray back in its folder. "But we are certain now. Everything came back positive. I'm very sorry."

"Sir," Darry finally started. I looked at him; he was awfully pale. Soda grabbed my hand and held tight. I was lost; I had no idea what it was he was going on about. "What exactly are we talking about here?"

The doctor look startled. "I'm sorry. I thought you understood."

He looked at me now, softening slightly. "You're looking at tumors, Ponyboy," he said softly. "You're looking at cancer."

Cancer.

The word seemed to echo off the walls, ricochet like a bullet

Cancercancercancer

And shoot me straight in the heart

I have cancer.

This was not a Soc Darry's muscles could scare off, not a nightmare Soda's arm would chase away. This was inside me, eating away, and no matter how much my brother's wanted to get rid of it they were helpless.