Helpless

Doubts

Soda POV:

"I can't leave him alone like this," Darry said as we started out the door. We all turned around, startled. Darry was standing in the doorway of the kitchen. Ponyboy was coughing in the bathroom. The four of us looked at each other.

"I could cut today," Two-Bit volunteered.

"No," Darry said slowly.

"You can't stay, Dar," I piped up, "we need the money."

"I'll be all right," Pony's hoarse voice came from behind us. Darry turned around, and my very thin and exhausted younger brother appeared in the doorway. "Y'all can go."

"Pony..." Darry started.

"It's okay, Dar," my brother insisted. "I know you're worried, but I'm okay. I'm gonna try and sleep..." he turned from us and coughed into the sleeve of his bathrobe. Darry and I exchanged a glance.

"Ponyboy," I started, but Pony waved us off.

"Guys, I'm okay. Get out. Go. I'll make y'all late. Please?" He turned back around, his eyes still pink. He'd been crying this morning after another night with no sleep. He'd had another treatment, and he had two days 'till the next. But we were all frustrated, because he was sick almost constantly, and passed out when he wasn't. He hadn't eaten, and he rarely left our room, except to take a shower occasionally. Darry and I had started rotating who slept with him, which really meant rotating whose turn it was to sleep. I'd started drinking coffee, although I hated the taste, because the jolt of caffeine kept me going.

Darry sighed. "You could pass out or somethin', Pon, and no one would know until five."

"So call. You've been doing that anyway."

"And if you can't get to the phone?"

"I'll get it, Dar," Pony sighed and slumped back down at the table. "Quit worryin' so much. I'll do the dishes and lie down. It'll be fine."

"I'll call too, Darry," I chimed in, trying to convince my older brother to leave. Steve was staring at his watch, and Two-Bit was playing with his lighter, trying to light a cigarette. He wouldn't smoke in the house though; Pony'd had to quit, and it hadn't been easy. He'd been a full blown nicotine addict, and he still moaned that he wanted a smoke, although a cigarette with his lungs would most likely bring on a coughing fit that would kill him on the spot.

"All right," Darry said slowly, rubbing Pony's hair. My younger brother managed a small grin, trying to reassure us all. "But if you get real sick, you call. You know the company number. They'll get in touch with me."

"Or call the station," I said.

"Which you're gonna be fired from if we don't hussle," Steve snapped. "Damn it, he ain't gonna die the second you walk out the door. And we're all late." He turned and stormed out the front door, slamming it as he went.

I couldn't believe what I was hearing; Steve had occasionally been obnoxious, but he was rarely downright cruel. Pony stared down at the floor. "I'm sorry," he whispered.

"Don't worry about it, kid," I snapped, turning and rushing after Steve. Two-bit grabbed my arm.

"Let him go, Soda," he warned. "He's not really mad at Pony, he's just...you know."

I hesitated. I did understand, at least somewhat. Steve had never really liked Pony that much, and he hated what it was doing to all of us.

"Let's just go," Darry said from behind us, shutting the front door as he went. The three of us walked to the car. Steve had taken off; his car was gone.

"I get my first paycheck in a few days," Two-bit told us, smoking freely now. "I'll drop it off."

I nodded, missing my old confidence. Little nagging doubts often haunt you later, and I was beginning to doubt that my brother would survive this mess.

Of course he will, I told myself as Darry backed out of the driveway. He's the best part of me.