Façade || (707 x Female!Reader) [DISCONTINUED]

『18』Solus

［ unedited ］

 Chapter 18 - Solus

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so·lus

// ˈsōləs //

adjective

1. alone or unaccompanied (used especially as a stage direction).

♡

❝I isolated myself in hopes that someone would notice I was gone. But after a while of waiting, I slowly realized that I forgot I was even here.❞

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It's like a dark box of nothingness.

Saeyoung assumed that, through the open screen of coding, he would slowly be sucked into such neverending silence.

A silence that he needed.

A silence that he wanted.

All he ever wanted was to be drifted away into an abyss of forgetting dullness, in which had no meaning, just like how he wanted it. He yearned for something, and yet he reached out for something so far away.

He probably wanted silence, but he couldn't reach it.

All Saeyoung did was stare, idly, towards the flickering computer screen that did nothing but shed light.

Did he want such light to be in his life?

Did he want the days to always be light?

He reached towards the closest key, pressed on it, and watched as the screen switched to another program. His current job was successful. Nothing too stressful or difficult to handle.

But even so, he just wanted to stare. He wanted to stare, and stare, and stare, until his eyes formed to the brink of burning tears. He didn't know what to do. He was alone.

Saeyoung couldn't tell if he wanted this to be his life. To always sit in a dark and isolated room all day, following the orders that his clients had bid to demand, all the while listening to Vanderwood's yacking again and again until Saeyoung's ears bled.

"I'm fine," Saeyoung whispered to himself.

But he wasn't, and he knew that.

-

He had been checking his phone for quite a while, skimming through his texts. He saw (Name)'s contact, booming with all sorts of replies that was expected for him to answer. Then there was MC, and Zen, and Yoosung, Jaehee, and Jumin.

They all asked the same questions.

"Are you alright?"

"What happened?"

"Are you okay?"

"Why are you offline?"

"You've been idle for a while. Is there something wrong?"

"If something's wrong, you can talk to us. You know that."

Unfortunately, he couldn't discuss the feeling. And so he didn't reply. He was aware that his friends would worry for him even more, but he couldn't help it. He felt that he'd bring everyone else down with him, and so he just let them be.

He was sure, though, that they've felt the same feeling once in their life. But he was also sure that they wouldn't want to spare the time to chat about it.

How long has it been? 2 weeks now?

The last person he saw since last week was (Name). All they had was some petty argument about how beautiful the other person was. He felt it as a cute moment between them, and when he left, he suddenly felt awkward.

But it was just awkwardness. Saeyoung couldn't understand the reason associated from the awkwardness, to this dreadful feeling in his chest.

He was used to talking to (Name). He was used to them talking about the weirdest of things. He was used to talking about their secrets, because there was no reason whatsoever to hide them.

Why could it ever be (Name) who would be associated, involved, in his feelings? He always felt happy and joyful when he was around her.

But, nonetheless, that was long ago. Saeyoung simply couldn't gather the strength or courage to reply to any of his texts, nor leave the house. He needn't worry about his food supply, for he simply orders them online, and so it wasn't necessary to leave anyways. Saeyoung would also buy the things he needs online, such as toilet paper and medicine.

And so, he would just decide to sit there and do nothing but work all day, despite it being unwillingly. It wasn't like he didn't like his job. He grew up to be who he was. He simply couldn't imagine himself being someone else. What would he be if he ever quit? A homeless bum? Where would all his precious cars go?

Another sigh came out from his mouth.

"I'm fine," he whispered to himself.

He knew he wasn't.

-

Saeyoung proceeded to raid his beloved fridge, in search of snacks or leftovers before he went back to his room. The dark, gloomy room, as he may consider it as.

Cheesecake, strawberries, kimchi, tteokbokki...

His doorbell rang. He assumed it was Vanderwood visiting again, and so he went over to the door. Vanderwood usually comes by this hour, as expected anyways. But Saeyoung couldn't help but feel irritated. Vanderwood always snoops up on his business, whereas Saeyoung did not like whatsoever. But every other time was meaningless to it. Being that Vanderwood cleans his room, or bosses him around, those were all things that Saeyoung could handle.

When he opened the door, he wasn't greeted with the usual yelling and scolding from Vanderwood. In fact, he wasn't even there.

Instead of him, it was (Name), standing at the door with a gloomy look. He just stared, as she wasn't, and soon she stepped forward.

The top of her head landed right on his chest, having him needing to put his hand by the neck to support her balance. Of course he was shocked, but he was confused of what was going on.

Presently after, he pulled her into a simple one-armed hug and closed the door with his other arm.

"(Name)? What's wrong?"

"You weren't replying to anyone's texts for about a week, so I had to look for you."

"But how..?"

"How did I find out where you live? I asked. No one else decided to check how you were doing in person, so I decided to do that for them."

Saeyoung chuckled gently.

"I'm alright."

(Name) leaned in a bit, as if she were searching for his heartbeat. He somehow felt her smile.

"Every broken person says that, Saeyoung. You should know that by now."

As much as he wanted to say, "You're supposed to be calling me Luciel," he just couldn't. He can't just say something like that when a moment like this was passing by. 

He just can't.