Little Infinities

Dear Future Me

Dear Future Me,

Are you doing okay? How's the sadness? Has it taken over?

Are you still afraid of the dark? Do you still get nervous in front of a crowd?

Do you still write? How's that confidence thing coming along?

Are you doing what you love? Where are you studying? Did you end up going to trinidad or canada? Maybe California?

How's mom and dad? Chris still annoying as ever? Cait still acting like she owns you?

How's your choices? Are they good? did you make that mistake? If you did, it's okay. I don't judge.

How's Lexie? Is she feeling included now that she's older? did you make sure she didn't feel the way you did?

Have you met One Direction yet? Are you in love?

Have you gotten over Kyle? Or are you together?

Are you happy?

That's all that matters. If you're happy, I'm happy.

Sincerely,

Cheyenne. 16 years old.

Hi Past Me, 

I'm doing well enough. The sadness hasn't taken over. I still struggle with it sometimes though. 

 I'm still afraid of the dark. Public speaking has become something I'm strong in now, though I still feel queasy when I'm in a large crowd. 

I write in my spare time, school sucks. My confidence is getting there. 

I'm not doing what I love, unfortunately. I'm still studying Biology at SJC. I'm applying to colleges this year. Arizona State, COSTAATT, Memorial University, maybe even UC Davis. 

Mom and Dad are okay. They fight a whole lot all the time. I don't know how long dad's gonna stay here with us anymore. Chris still annoys me. He's gotten worse, not listening to anyone anymore. Cait's gotten into drinking. So yeah she's still acting like she owns me. 

I'd like to think I make good choices. I'm still in school, I've lost my virginity to someone I love, I work hard at what I'm doing. I didn't make that mistake. Alex and Christy are broken up, but it's not my fault. 

I think Lexie's feeling included. We've started picking her up from school since Chris can drive now. I help her with her homework, and tell her she needs to talk in class. I hope she never feels the way I did. 

I haven't met One Direction. They're broken up now. I've gone to their concert though. it was great. 

I am in love. Have been for about a year and a half now. I've gotten over Kyle. Him and I are forever done. The boy I'm in love with is named Peyton, and he's the sweetest thing ever. I'm glad that he's in my life. And I hope when I write here again that he's still there behind me. 

I am happy. 

Hey future me, answer those questions again when you get this. and here's a few more. 

How's your friendships? Are they doing okay? Are you still friends with Myah? 

How's school? Are you finally passing? Have you made your parents proud? 

What about your weight? has it gone down/up? Do you have a kid? 

Are you content?

Sincerely, 

Cheyenne, 18 years old.

Hey Past Me,

You ask a lot of questions. It's nostalgic to come back to this after years and see what I thought was important back then. 

Friendships are a constant struggle. Im a second year in college now, St. Cloud State in Minnesota. I know, not at all what we expected. I've made one really good friend. His name is Nick. You wouldn't understand him much, but you'd like him. 

The Hooligans are still together. We love each other a lot. I think that friend group will stand the test of time. 

And no, we're not friends with Myah. It ended a bit after I wrote that. 

I haven't been with Peyton for the past 2 years. He moved away, and joined the Air Force. It got really hard communicating with him. And I was extremely scared of being his wife at some point, since I know the military does that to you. He hasn't come home since he left, and that was another breaking point for me. I was in love, and then I wasn't, and it was hard. But we'll find better eventually. Right now, I'll just stay single. 

I don't know if I make my parents proud. If I do, I don't feel it. I honestly feel like more of a disappointment than anything else. I failed Calculus. Again. It's not a good feeling, but I'm trying. I passed most everything else. 

My weight fluctuates. I try not to think about it too much. 

I don't think I'm content just yet. I'm trying my damnest to be tho. 

I think this will be the last time I come back to this. I'm getting old, and I don't use wattpad anymore. It was nice to read these. like I said, nostalgic.

Later, for the last time. 

Sincerely,

Chey. 22 years old.