Little Infinities

Diary Entry #1

Confession: I don't know what I'm doing with my life. And I'm okay with that

Here's the thing about school. 
It's mandatory here in Belize. You work hard enough to get a scholarship, you go abroad, you get your degrees. That's just the way it works. Not going to college isn't an option.
I'm 18. I have a wonderful boyfriend. I want to be a hydrologist when I grow up.

But I can't be a hydrologist if I don't have an education.

See the thing is,I'm on probation at the junior college I'm going to. Have been for the past three semesters. I took the first one for jokes and now I'm paying for it. So while everyone else is on their last year of junior college

I'm basically on my first.

The College I go to doesn't cater for everyone. Mostly students who already know how to manage their time well and have been taught how to study.

Not me.

See, I grew up thinking I was some sort of kid genius.

Breezing my way past primary, only scarcely having to work my way through high school

So when I got to college. I didn't know what to do.
They threw me in the sea and told me to swim.

So I slowly watched my B's turn to C's and my C's to D's and my D's to F's. and I felt powerless. I was sinking and fast.

My mom yelled at me. Told me she'd make me break up with my boyfriend if I didn't get better grades. An Empty threat.
I think she knows if I lost him I'd just fall deeper into the rabbit hole.

My dad took sympathy on me. Showing me the things he does as a hydrologist. Getting me involved in something I was already interested in.

But nothing seemed to help.

I'm taking philosophy this semester. There's an end of term paper. We're supposed to write on our personal philosophies.

Here's mine.

We have a soul. And our soul is connected to others. Sorta like a tangent off one soul connecting it to another

Those people who your soul connects to are your best friends, your spouse, your enemies, and every person with a significant role in your life.

These are the people you are destined to meet. To fall in love with. To fall out of love with. And of course, your choices are able affect this destiny - make it seem longer for example - but you will eventually get to that point in your destiny.

And at some point you die. And your soul lives on. Not in heaven, hell or as a ghost. You become reincarnated. Your soul is able to come back to earth. Be it as another human, or something else.

It's not a finished philosophy. But I think the important parts are there.

What I'm trying to get across is that I don't know what I am able to do.

And god does it annoy me.

So does Calculus. Which I should be doing my homework for.

It's graded.

Deuces,
Cheybear