Little Infinities

Depression: A Conversation

I wake up to the sound of light breathing beside me. I look over, seeing this black silhouette asleep next to me.
I run my fingers through my hair and think,

if I get out of bed slowly there's no way it can keep me here.
It might stay asleep the whole time.

But while I was deciding to get out of bed, it woke.
And suddenly it's got me in its claws, making sure I have no where to go.
I groan.
I groan because its always the same fight, its always the same games.
Always the same conversation.

Where are you going?
I need to get out of bed. I can't spend the whole day here.
You can't even spend a little more time with me?

Its grip tightens around me, and I can feel the tears welling up in my eyes as the claws dig into my skin.
Always the same dance.

I need to get out of bed.
Who are you going to see? No one even really likes you. You know they only tolerate you.

A Mischievous smirk. It knows where my vulnerabilities are, it pokes and prods them until it gets what it wants.

Just stay a little while longer.
I Can't. I have things to do today.
Stay.
No.

And then comes the fighting. The yelling. The insecurities that I feel the need to keep down. The little things that eat away at me are in its hands.
And it takes full advantage of it.

do you even have the energy to do anything today?
No, but-
But nothing. I mean, you're too heavy to do anything. and you know you only annoy your siblings.
I don't only-
And we all know the age old story of how you're too stupid to even graduate on time. So really, if you're not studying, what do you do?

And then I get comfortable in it's claws. Because I know everything it's saying is true. I can feel it.
So why should I get out of bed? I'm safe here.
I think.
And I know it hears my thoughts, because it brings me closer to it, and whispers

You just couldn't resist could you?