The Universe of Gas

The Stench of An Animal

Lady Theodosia was in a muck of a situation. Almost quite literally.

Like most ladies of noble birth do in their free time, she was taking a stroll in the massive gardens that surrounded her estate. The lady was proudly out showing the flowers her beautiful white dress. It was bustled and large in rear, adorned with the finest blue bows and the most delicate of lace. It came with a companion parasol, hankie, and set of gloves. While wandering about, the lady did not the notice the brewing storm in the distance. Suddenly, water was upon her and in haste, Lady Theodosia ran into the nearest building: the estate stable.

Of course, in normal circumstances, the lady would never be caught near such a place. It was a fine stable for the estate, but the residency of the animals repulsed the lady's fine senses. This was apparent when the lady hurried inside and closed the doors when a stench swept over her.

Hay, muck, and the sweat of the horses and various livestock inside brewed in the building. The lady whined, for she could not step into the rainy outside but neither could she bear the smelly barn. Defeated, the lady simply placed her hankie on her dainty nose, eyeing the animals in disgust. She perched her bum on the edge of some stacked hay, her nose in the air and her propriety in check.

The rain beat against the structure, water leaking exactly where the lady sat. She wailed in horror, quick to pick herself up. How she missed her proper place at the manor! With nowhere to sit, the lady carefully eased her way somewhere drier, daintily placing her feet and avoiding the animal feces on the ground. The storm grew long and the lady tired and weary. She reluctantly took some of the oats from the horse feed to nourish her aching aristocratic body. Again, she sat primly on another hay stack, making sure it bore no leaky ceiling.

If only the lady had not taken the oats, she might have been spared from the vulgarity that was to occur in her bowels. But the circumstances would have still placed her in the direct blast zone of the animals and their bums.

It started off unnoticeable, as the fart of the nearby pig merely blended with the current air. But soon, the lady herself felt a strange sensation in her stomach. It was light, but somehow dense enough to be sinking towards her anus. She realized the contents to be air. Foul-smelling air.

The first fart the lady produced was no small affair. She gasped as the air rushed out in a loud entrance, ruffling her petticoats and bustle. Blushing darkly into her hankie, Lady Theodosia clenched her cheeks and lifted them up ever so slightly. But alas, such posture could not contain the burning farts. With a delicate cry of distress, the lady's bum vibrated through the fabric and presented a dirty sound. One after the other, farts pushed past the fabric of her dress, each smelling worse than the last. This is due to the lady attempting to hold each gaseous sensation as long as she could. But yet, such an effort was in vain, as the fart would only curdle inside her bowels and become more vulgar than if she had openly tooted.

Of course, the lady was aware she was alone. No gentlemen, no other ladies, not even a servant. She, in theory, was free to let go of her uptightness. Therefore, the lady should be allowed to relieve herself. But Lady Theodosia was a prim and proper aristocrat. She desired elegance and composure and appalled vulgarity and filth mostly associated with commoners. Something which gas was. So with each defeat, the air vibrated against her sphincter and the lady would gasp and hold herself more upright.

I am a lady of distinction. A lady with a dainty derrière. I must not give in to such vile, disgusting-

Mid-thought, the lady felt a great blast of air hit her powdered face. She shrieked as the pungent air seeped through her frilly hankie. The horse in the nearby stall has promptly cut one in the direction of Theodosia. Suddenly, a flurry of grunting animals began to let loose with the lady in close proximity (a horror unthinkable to the lady).

The stench of the animal farts were mixed with her own. The lady cried as a swine backed up and promptly pooped near her dainty feet. She quickly pulled her dainty dress toward her and stood on the haystack. Animals grunted as they farted, a noise that was most horrendous to the lady. But at the same time, her own rear mimicked the animals.

With the folds of her pretty dress in gloved hands, Lady Theodosia cried out in disgust. "You filthy animals!" she wailed as she witnessed the floor of the barn become more and more brown. The stench was almost unbearable, and the lady sniffed deeper into her hankie all the while lifting her dress up and away from the contaminated floor.

Another fart escaped her backend with great ferocity. The lady moaned with relief, much to her horror. How could such a vulgar sensation bring her any kind of relief?

Everything stank horribly! The aristocrat whimpered at the sight of the nearby horse lifting its tail and producing foul wind. The frilly hankie was almost useless at this point as the lady was completely surrounded by waste and farts.

Her stomach did not aid in her comfort or her sense of propriety. Lady Theodosia farted none too gracefully into her bustle repeatedly. I have to get out of here! Or I'll take on the stench of these repugnant creatures! thought the aristocrat, her eyes nearly watering from the stress. But the floor! She could hardly bear the mere thought of placing her ribboned shoes on its surface.

Slowly, Lady Theodosia came to conclude that she must sacrifice her shoes or she would faint from standing in the heart of the foul barn. She hoisted her dress up further, her petticoats and unmentionables in view. She blushed, How terribly undignified! The lady removed her hankie for a quick second, only to regret it and place it back on her nose. Timidly, she placed her first step on the floor.

The squish of fecal matter made her whimper in distaste. Each step was an effort as Lady Theodosia gingerly and disgustedly walked across the barn. She lifted her nose, her parasol hanging properly at her side, and strived to keep face. Her cheeks were clenched and her posture stood stiffly straight as she precariously walked in the muck. All the while, Lady Theodosia kept her mind on all the clean and fashionable new outfits she would buy as therapy for this miserable experience.

One step in particular sunk her foot deep into the mud, resulting in a large squish that reached her ears. She hesitated for a moment, her pretty face creasing in disgust at the sensation of her delicate foot sliding in the filth.

Suddenly a chicken ran past the lady, catching her off guard and making her lose her snobbish composure. She dropped her skirts and fell ungracefully on her bum, right onto the animal waste she so desperately wanted to avoid.

The lady shrieked in horror as she heard the muck squelch beneath her weight and found her hankie and other accessories dirtied with manure. The smell overtook her nostrils and she found herself unable to pinch her nose with her contaminated gloves. As though to further insult her, the lady's stomach churned out another bubble that desired to escape through her bustle.

The fart pushed itself into the mud, vibrating quite violently against the once clean petticoats and dress. The aristocrat wailed as she released her wind, each fart pushing her rear further and further into the muck.

With all dignity lost and her dress perfectly ruined, Lady Theodosia simply ran out of the barn, abandoning her feminine accessories. Her dainty pale skin was tainted by smelly brown excrement, her dress no longer a crisp white. And to her horror and dismay, the storm had passed and the sun shined brightly and revealed to the world the animal that Lady Theodosia had become.