Blue (BxB) (Completed)

Chapter 50

/////////////JACE'S POV////////

"I'm sorry." Alec says pulling away, "I'm dying, Jace- I can't do this. I'm so mad at you. And I do so well until I see you in person, and then everything changes again. I think I don't care about you anymore, that things will be easier once you're far away, and then all the sudden I'm here again, and you're...." He pauses to look at me. The anguish in his expression is a knife cutting through my heart.

I hurt him...

I broke him...

"Why do I do this to myself? I see you and feel such-" He has tears in his eyes now.

The sight is more then I can bear. He takes two steps away from me and then turns back like a caged animal.

"Do you really love me?" he suddenly asks. he grips both of my shoulders.

"I've said it to you before, and I still mean it, I wish I didn't, but I do. but I've heard you say it once, and it was in the heat of the moment," he says urgently, talking to fast to follow...

"And then you give me this"- he pauses to hold out his hand, pointing to the canvas- "and I don't know what to think anymore."

He draws closer, until I feel his lips are against my ear. My entire body trembles.

"Do you have any idea?" He says in a soft broken, hoarse whisper.

"Do you know how... How badly I wish..."

He pulls away long enough to look at me desperately in the eyes, "If you don't love me.. Truly love me, just say it- you have to help me. it'd probably be for the best. It'd make it easier to stay away from you, wouldn't it? I can let go." He says it like he's trying to convince himself.

"I can let go, if you don't love me."

He says this as if he thinks I'm the stronger one.

But I'm not.

I'm the one that has to live with the fact that I left him, when I shouldn't have...

I can't keep this up any better then he can "No," I say through gritted teeth and blurry vision. "I can't help you, because I do love you." There it is, out in the open. "I'm in love with you," I repeat.

There's a conflicted look in Alec's eyes, a joy and a grief, that makes him so vulnerable. I realize now how little defense he has against my words.

Dammit, I should not have left.

He blinks, then try's to find the right response, "I-" he stumbles. "I'm so afraid Jace. So afraid that you might-"

I put two fingers against his lips to quiet him. "I will not leave you." I whisper urgently, almost angry.

Before I can stop myself, I put my hands on his face, and press my mouth to his.

Whatever shreds of self-restraint Alec had now crumble into pieces. He falls into my kiss with helpless urgency. I feel his hands touch my face, both hands hold so much strength, and steadiness. Then he wraps his arms frantically around my waist, pulling me so close that I gasp aloud. No one compares to him.

And by that I mean there's no one I've ever been with.

And right now I want nobody else.

We make our way back to his room, our lips never apart. Alec stumbles against me, then loses his balance, and we collapse backward onto his bed. His body knocks the breath out of me. His hands run along my jaw and neck, down my back, down my legs. I tug his jacket off. Alec's lips move away from mine and he buries his face against my neck. his hair fans out across my arm, heavy and softer than any silk I've ever touched.

I like how, even after two years, his hair is still black, and has one strip of blue. Although he doesn't have the lip piercings anymore, his hair somehow makes him look even more sophisticated, and he's approachable, even as a doctor.

Alec finally finds the buttons to my shirt. I've already loosened his, and underneath the fabric his skin is hot to the touch, each delicate muscle is shaped to perfection. The heat radiating from him warms me. I savor the weight of him.

(Jace on the side ------------>>>>)

Neither of us dares to say a word. Afraid that words will stop us, that they'll tear apart the spell that binds us. He's trembling as much as I am. it suddenly occurs to me that he must be just as nervous. I smile when his eyes first meet mine and lower in a bashful gesture. Alec is shy?

What a strange new emotion on his face, something so out of place and yet so fitting. I'm relieved to see it, because I can feel the blush rising hot on my own cheeks.

When I look at him, I notice the subtle smile playing at the edges of his mouth, the smallest hint of mischief that only strengthens my desire for him. He nuzzles my neck, his touch sends shivers dancing along my spine. Alec sighs in relief against my ear in a way that makes my heart pound, a sigh of freeing himself from all of the dark emotions that plague him. I fall into another kiss, running my hands through his hair, letting him know that I'm okay.

He gradually relaxes. I suck in my breath as he moves against me; his eyes so bright that I feel like I could drown in them. He kisses my cheeks, tucking a strand of hair carefully behind my ear as he goes, and I slide my arms around his back and pull him close.

No matter what happens in the future, no matter where our path takes us, this moment is ours.

Afterwards we just lye there, silent, neither of us wanting to break the silence.

I find that the less I talk, the less I mess everything up.

he wraps his arm around my waist with one hand, and takes my hand with the other.

He does it so... So... I don't know, like it's a habit, like he does this every night. Like it's not the first time i've done anything like this.

It's probably not the first time he's done this. Being's how he was so uncontrollably good...

I tremble at his touch.

I look up at his face, to see it calm, collected, serene. his face is no longer in a scowl when he glances my way. But a loving look.

I lean up, and kiss his cheek.

His eyes open tiredly, and smiles a small smile.

such a smile, that I shiver.

He tightens his hold, and brings the blankets up, now covering us completely.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

AHHHHHHHH!!!!!

They did it!!! of course it's PG-13, but awwwwww. Soooo awesome....

My life is complete.

*Alec* "Wait? The books over?"

*Jace* "It can't be! I'm mean, all the-!"

*Me* "CALM DOWN> The book is not over!"

But soon, I Think/ This is the hardest decision of my writing career..

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