Idfc

Chapter eighteen.

(Possibly triggering)

Justin's pov.

When I saw Raegan turn to Liam instead of us. My heart cracked.

But when they started to walk towards the house. It split in two.

When the door finally closed. It was shattered.

I fell to the ground. Why? Why'd it have to be me? Always getting left. Always being used. It's always me. I'm so tired of it being me. The one getting hurt. The one always crying. The one always in pain. I was sobbing on the ground. I was left again. Just lying on the dirt. Like I was some kind of used toy. Was that all I am? Some used toy?

Raegan's pov.

After Liam left he came back with something in his hand. My phone. How'd he get my phone? It was at the others house? Wasn't it? He gave it to me and left. I opened it. Everything was still there. Wow. I went onto messages and tapped on the one that read 'My everything'. I read through the texts. But this one conversation stood out to me.

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September, Sunday 19th, 2016

J: Hey babe.

R: I'm literally down the hall.

J: I know, but I'm lazy, and your so far awayyyyyyyy.

R: Wow didn't know I'm dating a couch potato.

J: Am I a pretty couch potato?

R: Yeah...

J: Yasssssss I knew it!!!!!!

R: So why'd you message me.

J: Just wanted to say, I love you, and I want food.

R: I love you too, and get your own food, you lazy couch potato.

J: But I'm going to die if I don't have food, right now.

R: Then die.

J: Gasp, rude.

R: Kidding, I'll be there with food in ten minutes.

J: Yay! I win!

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I smiled remember that day. Me and Justin cuddled all day. We were happy. It was a great day. I loved that day. I'd give anything to go back to that day and just have him lay in my arms. Watch him peer up at me and smile. See the twinkle in his eyes when he saw me. But that was gone. And it's all my fault. I decided to text him.

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R: Hey Justin. I'm sorry. I know I left you. I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry for everything I do. Because I know I'm a fuck up. Everything I do. I fuck up. Our relationship, I fucked up. Your happiness, I fucked up. I fucked up Kale's life. I fucked up myself. I know. I just want to die now. I can't see you. I just want to see you. To lay with you. To love you. To be happy with you. This past month. I haven't been happy. I haven't been myself. When I saw you today. I felt happy. I felt loved. Justin I love you with everything I have. And I'm so sorry, I fucked this up. I love you Justin Drew Blake. Goodbye.

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I sent it and locked my phone. I walked up to 'my' room. Which was really just the room I stayed in. I opened the door, stepped in, I closed and locked the door. I walked over to my back pack, that they were so kind to pack. I hid a blade in there for you know emergencies. Or when I was anyway and needed to cut... I reached for the pocket and grabbed a familiar container. I opened it and took the shiny blade. I rolled up my sleeve, revealing a very ugly scarred and cut wrist.

I slid the blade once, and made a big deep cut. I did another just like that. I was determined to end my life. Pretty soon my vision blurred. Tears already stained my face.  My wrist was covered in blood. Deep gashes littered it. I didn't count how many there were. But there were lots. My chest raised and fell slowly. My throat was closed. My eyes dropped. I just sat there. Waiting for it to happen. For death to consume me.

And shortly it did...

Kale's pov.

I woke up, in a unfamiliar room. All I wanted was Jack. He made me feel safe. I didn't care what he did. I needed someone. Raegan. He's here. So I got up and started looking. I knocked on one door. I tried to open it but it was locked. I wondered downstairs to find Liam and others on a couch watching a show. Oh it's the walking dead. My favourite. Liam smiled at me and motioned for me to come over and sit. I did. I strolled over and sat next to him, I cuddled in to his side. What? I'm a cuddlier.

They were obviously rewatching the show, I could tell by the episode. It was the last episode of season 3. Where Sofia dies. Honestly one of my favourite episodes. I realized my stomach was growling and I got up and asked Liam where the kitchen was. He told me and skipped there. I look through the fridge spotting many wondering delicious foods. Pizza. Yogurt. Kiwi. Oh my god. They have ice cream. I grabbed the pizza. Yogurt and kiwi, along with the ice cream. I cut up the kiwi. And put it in the yogurt which happened to be vanilla. I didn't even bother putting the ice cream in a bowl I just left it in the tub. I grabbed five slices of pizza and made my back to the living. With a plate full of pizza. A container of yogurt and kiwi. And a tub of ice cream.

All they're jaws dropped.

"What? I was hungry." I shrugged and started eating. Totally unaware of what was happening at the time.

Justin's pov.

We were back at the house now. I laid on my bed. I was sobbing but now it was just unsteady breathes. I laid there looking at the ceiling. When my phone dinged. DING.
I opened it and saw I had a message. It was from Raegan. I didn't want to read it so I didn't. I got up and went to take a shower. I stripped down. I looked at myself in the mirror. My top surgery looked great now. I worked out, so I had muscle. I liked the way my body looked. My hips were starting to get smaller. My shoulders broader. I smiled.

I turned on the shower. Adjusting it to my comfortable temperature. I hoped in, and almost immediately relaxed. It felt so good. I washed my haired and my body. I stayed in there for an extra ten minutes though just think about things. When I finally got out and dressed. I decided I was ready read the text. So I sat on my bed and prepared myself. I unlocked my phone and went to my messages.

As I read the message tears fell from my eyes. Goodbye? What does he mean goodbye? Suicide? No, no, no, no, no. This can't be happening, I ran downstairs, grabbed my keys and I was out the door in my car before anyone could stopped me. I speed to the One Direction house. I ran to the door, I knocked and waited impatiently. Louis opened the door and opened his mouth to speak. But I pushed him out of the way. Ran up the stairs opening doors. I got to the last door. I tried to open it. But it was locked. By now all the One Direction boys and Kale were watching me. I backed up and started kicking the door. It took me two tries but I got it. I rushed in and I broke.

Raegan laid on the ground, covered in his own blood. I rushed to him, sobbing. Kale came and hugged me too. We both cried, over the lost of him. I knew we lost him, because Liam checked his pulse, and it was gone. He was gone.

Raegan was gone.

It hit me like a rock and I was a mess all over again. More foot steps came up the stairs. I looked and saw the others. Jack rushed to Kale and took him from me. Danny came over and hugged me. I cried in his arms. Sobs took over my body. A sadness drifted through the air. I looked up and saw Ashton holding Michael as he cried. I've seen Michael be emotional but never this much. I saw the one direction boys around Kale and Jack. Luke and Calum made there way hugging Ashton and Michael. Everyone was sad.

I love you Raegan...

(A/n: so uhhhhhh wow.... Don't get mad there's one more chapter...)