As I woke up again, my head hurt really badly. I couldn't open my eyes, but it’s not that I wanted to. I remained silent. Silence was my only true friend in this moment. I don’t want to stand the world again. I don’t want to hear them plead or cry. I hear their desperate noises in my sleep all night. Enough was enough, I said to myself. My thoughts were soon interrupted.
The door of the room, I was laying in, was opened and closed. A quiet voice got to my ears. “Bell, how are you two doing?” Octavia sneaked closer to my bed.
“Hey, O”, he whispered, “we’re fine, I hope. She is sleeping for 14 hours now. Abby gave her some meds.” His voice cracked worriedly. I don’t know, what exactly Octavia was doing, but I hoped, she'd calm him down a bit.
“You need to sleep, too, big brother.” Her voice got a soft tone. “I can’t O. What if something happens to her, again. I would never forgive myself.” He said in tears.
“Just don’t forget about your own health”, Octavia said. “I won’t. I promise”, he answered.
After a short amount of silent time I heard the door open and close again, then silence. I decided to wait another while, until I would try to open my eyes. I just wanted to be selfish one last time. I wanted to protect myself from all this pain.
I tried to think back but I couldn’t handle the pain in my chest that tried to steal my air, so I pushed away the pictures of Polis and Lexa, greeting the darkness. I knew that I would have a hard time to overcome everything, that I’ve been through.
My thoughts slowly drifted back to Bellamy. Why was he here with me? What was he going through in the moment? Pain? Anger? Fear? I couldn’t tell. The last two times I heard him talk, his voice sounded like breaking glass. I decided to get back to reality.
As I opened my eyes, the light hurt. I groaned. Bellamy leaned over me and the look on his face showed relieve.
“Clarke?”, he whispered. Slowly, as if he didn’t want to frightened me. “Bellamy”, I said with a rasping voice. He handed me a cup of water, that floated slowly down my throat.
It took a view cups of water and a slice of bread to get some energy into my body. Peace by peace I felt stronger.
“Tell me.”, I said. “Tell me everything that I missed, while I was passed out!” He looked at me. Not sure if I was ready to know, I could tell. “The grounders were looking for you. Indra was there to see by herself, that you could not come to Polis for the ceremony, because you weren’t able. And ...”
“What ceremony?”, I interrupted. “I was about to explain”, he said calmly, rubbing my back. “The ceremony of Luna becoming Commander.” My eyes widened as he continued to speak. “I wasn’t there, so I can’t tell you anything more. But you can ask your mother.” He stopped talking as he saw the disbelief in my face.
“How did anyone get Luna to be the next commander?” He shrug his shoulders. “I’m sorry. But I don’t know, maybe your mother or Kane will know the answer.”
I wanted to get up, find my mother and ask her, but Bellamy held me back. “You’re still to weak to get up, don’t you remember the last time you tried?”
I felt like a little child that could not get the new doll until her birthday. “Yes, Dr. Blake”, I said joking around. He laughed. It was so good to hear him laugh and see his smile again. It vibrated through me, producing a tingle in my stomach. It gave me some kind of trust that there would be a peaceful future waiting for us.
After a while of talking about the things that had happened. I got tired and wanted to sleep.
“You should sleep, we will have enough time to talk when you wake up.” He said, wanting to get up, ready to go. I was getting afraid.
“Bellamy”, I said, grabbing his hand. “Can you stay with me?” I made a little bit of space next to me on the bed and he said down.
“Everything okay, Princess?”, he asked.
I wanted him to cuddle next to me, like my father did, when I was younger. But I was too afraid to ask.
Maybe it was already too much that I wanted him to stay.
“Tell me, Clarke.” He looked me in the eyes and I knew that he knew what I wanted.
“Can you lay down with me for a while?” Bellamy laid himself next to me and pet my head softly. I slowly drifted to sleep but I heard that he said something, that sounded like: “Always.”
