I must have fallen asleep. And as I woke up it was already morning. I got up, everything hurt. I stretched my tired body, but nothing helped. My shoulders felt heavier this morning.
Did Bellamy really told me that he loves me? I looked into a mirror, the scar on my head was a silent reminder what just happened. I walked through the room a view times but nothing changed the sickness in my stomach. So I decided to go out and find something to do. I just need something to get myself distracted from the big Bellamy-Problem.
I walked out of med bay and saw Raven, delegating around some younger boys. Maybe she has something to do for me. I waited until she was done talking to the teenagers from the ark.
“Hey, Clarke, are you okay again?” I nodded and asked her if she has something to do for me. “You can go help Harper repair the wall. She might need some help.” She pointed near the gate, where Harper was going to teach some younger girls how to repair the wall. I slowly walked over, feeling most of the people's stare on my back.
“Can I help you here somehow?”, I asked Harper after she noticed me. “No, Clarke, You can’t”, she stated cold, going back to work. I stood around for a short time, when I decided to go for a walk.
I wanted to get some fresh air in the dusty nerve cells of my brain. I wanted to clean all my mess, clean the Bellamy-mess.
I walked out of the gate and blinked behind me, back to Arkadia while I disappeared in the woods.
I jumped over uprooted tree trunks, climbed over small hills and half an hour later, I found myself sitting near a little lake. I laid down and breathed in and out. My thoughts drifted away.
Am I in or out of the relationship that Bellamy just made up? I could be in a relationship with Bellamy, but after everything we’ve been through, can this last long enough? Will it hurt like the relationships with Finn and Lexa? It sure will, because he means to much to me to just let go.
What should I do? It was like a memory from better days. Playing freely on the Ark with Wells. Wells. He would have known what to do. “Listen to your heart, Clarke. You know the answer.” I heard his voice inside my head. Am I going to get insane?
I didn’t even noticed that there was someone on my secret place, standing in the woods. “Clarke?” I stood up in shock and my whole body was shaking.
“Bellamy! For heaven’s sake!”, I screamed almost.
“I didn’t want to scare you.” He stepped out of the woods into the sun light. Bellamys skin seemed lighter and vulnerable in the relentless sun.
“You didn’t.”
“You are lying.” He was smiling at me.
“You’re right”, I admitted. We both were standing in front of each other smiling like idiots. After some minutes Bellamy broke the silence.
“Do you want to tell me something?” Bellamy stepped back and looked at me. The moment had come. Now I need to have an answer for him.
“Bellamy, it is not an easy thing to decide. But I tried to make the best out of it. I know that you mean more to me than I wanted to confess to myself.” His lips were on mine before I could say anything else. He tasted better than I could ever imagine.
Does it really matter if I am afraid? In this moment I knew that he would do everything for me. To protect me.
I ran my hands through his hair and he cupped my face with his soft and big hands. His hands wandered to my neck and he buried them in my hair.
After endless minutes he untied his hands with my hair and we both breathed heavily. His forehead was laying on mine and we both smiled, looking into each others eyes.
